My babies.

My babies are not babies anymore.
I just peeked into their rooms at their teensy bodies in their beds.
Their teensy bodies are not teensy.
They are not even small by any definition.
They are 'whole bed taking' bodies.

I stood there in the doorway.
Silent. Eyes filled with tears.

As absolutely eager as I am about the days that lie ahead for them, I am equally as forlorn about the days that are no more.

When my kids were really small, I was never confident about mothering.
All I knew was I loved them and I wanted everything for them, but the whole 'nurturing' thing did not come naturally for me.

When I was a little girl, I didn't rock baby dolls in rocking chairs. I tracked down ants, climbed trees, and perfected my long jump.
I never had a nurturing thought.
I remember my daddy asked me once, "What are you gonna be when you grow up?"
I told him, "I don't want kids. I wanna be a successful attorney."
I think I was 8 or 9 at the time.

I never knew how opposite my life would turn out when compared with those "aspirations."
I am so glad I was wrong about what I thought I wanted.

Not even when I was pregnant with J, did I fully understand all the implications of motherhood.
I still don't.
I learn more about myself everyday through my children.
I don't think there's any way I have taught them as much as they have taught me.

I love everything about being a mom.
I love their personalities. Huge blossoming personalities.
I love swishing bubbles in the bathtub for them and seeing the way their eyes light up when the tub is heaping with bubbles.
I love it when they eat something new and love it.
(I made pot stickers for dinner last night. I thought J. would burst from eating pot stickers! He also learned how to eat with chopsticks! There is no adequate way to describe how cute that was...)
I love kissing boo-boo's.
I love brushing hair. Sweet, wavy golden brown hair.
I love smelling them.
Even dirty, stinky boys have a smell that is oh! so sweet when they belong to you.
But girls! Oh my! Girls smell like soft, squishy sweetness all the time.

I love their honest satisfaction over a job well done.
We carved pumpkins tonight. They did a really great job. I didn't notice any flaws in their work and neither did they. Their pumpkins were perfect! And that is the way they will always remember this night... It was perfect! In a moment of pure glee, J. was sawing away at that pumpkin and said, "This is better than any dream I ever had!" All I could think was, 'Me too, son, me too...'

Truly, being able to share those moments with my children is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
Moments like those take the sting out of fits thrown in public.
They make wild and unruly behavior seem less so.
Those moments turn an ordinary day into something extraordinary.

So as I look at their 'larger than I realized' bodies snugly curled up in their beds, I can weep gentle tears.
I do miss so many things about their baby hood,
but I really haven't missed that much at all.
I have so much today because of them. So many wonderful memories.
I am today so much more myself, because of them.
I see, in them, everything in life that I ever hoped to become - and I am overjoyed.

___s and _____?

I am finished being mysterious about the Halloween costumes.
I had this perfect idea.
Well, perfect for a preschool teacher...
We HAVE to dress up for Halloween.
There is nothing in the form of adult women's costume that doesn't need a garter belt and fishnets as accessories. So trashy. All of them.
So the last couple of years, I have made my costume.
This year, my costume really only made sense with a willing accomplice.
My accomplice is half-bent over a washing machine this week, cleaning puddles of puke off the floor - poor, poor Meems.

So here it is,
I am egg.
? is Bacon.

I made a fried egg outfit, sunny side up.
And I have 2 slices of bacon for whoever feels the need.
Of course, I have no shame - I will be an egg regardless of whether or not anyone is the bacon.
But you all know, bacon and eggs are best when served together.

Bummer.

This is apparently not the first post I have titled "bummer."
It popped up on my auto fill - just a tasty tidbit.

The 'bummer' is that half of my costume will be "missing in action" tomorrow night.
I am sorry that meems' babies have the yucks.
I hate it when that happens.
I really think that we should be allowed to diagnose and write prescriptions for our kids, just to keep them from having to go to the dr.'s office and get a new and more awful bug.

Is there anyone out there, roughly the size of an adult medium T-shirt, that does not already have a costume?
If you want to lose all dignity, and meet the above criteria: please comment here.

I hope to find a new partner in crime.

That's funny.

I just wrote and posted a blog entry that was not really appropriate to speak of in front of just anyone. Particularly if you know of readers that are male...
Oh man!
I am embarrassed!
I am so sorry if you were a guy and you read that.
Otherwise, it was pretty harmless but you'll be left in suspense due to the sensitive nature of the content.

Zappo.

I caught my hunny using his little girl's strawberry shortcake lip gloss.
I guess that's the funniest thing ever.
Not only the fact that he uses it, but also the fact that he denied doing it.
So that means he's too tough to use it.
Which makes me laugh, because he DID use it.

I totally sold him out, didn't I?

Halloween garb for mommas.

I bet you're all wondering what I am going to be for Halloween.
Well, you'll have to wait.
Meems and I are gathering our resources.
We will be a team, so to speak.
You are going to love it!
And you will say, "Wow, they really have no shame..."
Get to imagining - you'll never guess...

Phil Wickham.

Seldom have I found an artist who can capture in words and music my thoughts and feelings of worship for my Creator. I just wanted to share some of this music with you guys. I have been enjoying it secretly for a few weeks. I love, love this cd.

Rotten Meat, Part 2.

So I returned the meat.
I have never returned rotten meat before.
I guess I never thought of it.
______________________________
I got to the return desk.
The lady asked no questions.
She just nodded and scanned and gave me my money back.
I asked her, "Does this happen a lot?"
She said, "yeah, a lot of our meat is rotten. You should go to HEB. They have good meat there."
The girl next to her, her supervisor, said, "Yeah, I don't buy my meat here."
I said, "Thanks for the tip."
I turned away. Speechless.

blessings.

For the first time in my life that I can recall, I have a group of Godly friends.
They hold me up. They help me out.
They are genuine. They are God-fearing women.
Some are mothers. Some are Grandmothers. Some are waiting...
I love you all. I love you differently.
I am thankful for your presence in my life.
Some of our friendships are tried and true.
Some of our friendships are fresh and new.
I trust.
I laugh.
I adore.
I imitate.
I admire.
I appreciate.
All of you.
I am so thankful for you all.
Thank you, God, for friends.

A special thanks for meems on her birthday.
You make 22 look amazing!
*wink* I won't tell if you don't - we are the same age, after all...
Happy, happy day!!!

rosa's

I was glad to see you ladies at rosa's tonight.
Next time, I'll get a sitter.
:)

The kind of friend I want to be.

I had a thought a few months ago about a friend of mine.
She is the type of person that is so regularly impressive with her godliness that it almost slips by without comment.
She is so routinely mindful of her Christianity that people have come to expect it from her.
That is one of the best compliments that I think I could ever receive.

One of the first times I met her, we were just talking.
I don't remember what we were talking about. It really doesn't matter.
What I do remember is that I was sharing something with her that was either a stresser or a quandary of life and we were just talking. What happened next is what changed my outlook on everything about her. She didn't plan for this to happen, she was just being her. And serving her God, as she did unashamedly and routinely.
She stopped the conversation mid-sentence and said, "I just have to pray with you over this."
She laid her hand gently on my shoulder and prayed a simple, but powerful prayer. Then the conversation resumed.
It was a definite wow moment for me.
She wasn't trying to impress me.
She wasn't trying to be religious.
She was putting her trust in God. And it was as natural to her as putting her shoes on.
This has happened countless times in my friendship to her. Her thoughts never seem to be far from God in any given situation.

That has been over 2 years ago now, and from time to time God will remind me of what a jewel she is and how very special she is to Him.
He is so proud to call her His daughter. She is so very faithful to Him.

So to you meems, You've made a big difference in my life. It has happened over a long period of time. I just want to encourage you because what you are doing is powerful. Even if it seems as natural as getting dressed in the morning, your life and relationship with God speak volumes.

Rotten Meat.

THIS IS ME SCREAMING OUT LOUD WITH MY FINGERS!!!
I (FOR THE 37, 000, 000th TIME) HAVE BEEN THE LUCKY RECIPIENT OF ROTTEN MEAT FROM WAL-MART! GRRRRrrrrrrr!
They know they're doing it, I know they do.
Because if they can drag my reluctant self back through their doors one more time this week, they can be certain that, even though I am there to make a return, they will still squeeze at least 50 bucks out of me before I am out the door.
I hate Wal-Mart. (Sorry Alycia - but you know it's true.)
I imagine those orange juice commercials.
When they see me coming, they shove out every last shred of rotten meat they have so I will have no chance of leaving there with anything better than buzzard food.
Making a return necessary.
Making me spend more money.
All those unnecessary items I gathered the will-power to refuse the last visit now become completely irresistible with my new fully-charged gift card.
You see how this works?
I'm on to you Wal-Mart.
Sneaky little devil.

A new plan?

I had to enroll A. in a school for Tues./Thurs. mornings today at another Mom's day out in town.
She will be at a different facility than me.
I was unexpectedly sad. So upset, actually, I was sick.
It will eat up another $100 a month out of my paycheck which begins to make my part-time job seem nearly pointless.
I don't know what to do.
I love my job.
but I obviously love my kids more.
I don't know what choice is the right choice.
I added it up and I'm working around 30 hours a week, which makes the hourly total good enough - unless you factor in the cost of childcare and time away from your babies... (priceless and irreplaceable)

I don't know if I am good enough at all the household things that are required of me to be away from my house so many hours each week. It's beginning to wear me out. I have had to really cut down on what I expect out of myself, just to get by. I hate the mentality of "scraping by."
I also think that there are few things as unattractive (when paired with my personality) than "overwhelmed." I don't do "overwhelmed" very well at all.

I wish there was a clear answer, like a booming voice from Heaven.
Would that be workable, God?

My body is involuntarily rejecting this idea of her going to yet another child-care facility, just to accommodate my dwindling paycheck...
It began with extreme heartburn last night. An anxiety attack and nightmares.
I was sick to my stomach all day because of the new development.
I tried to rationalize my anxiety away, but I just got sicker and sicker...
I hope it's a temporary fix for the problem.
The problem being, C's boss has been consistently ignoring his schedule conflicts on Tues./Thurs. mornings and putting us in an up-the-creek situation.

Admittedly, my boss is VERY flexible with my family's needs as they arise, but if A. had to start coming to work with me on a regular basis - that would probably wear my boss out fairly quickly.
Taking A. the 30 miles to my parent's house on a regular basis and making the trip to pick her up was not only time-consuming but also very expensive.

The only choice that seemed to work both for my job and for us financially was this.
It would be even harder, except that she loves it.
I asked her how it went and she said she likes it a lot, better than staying at home. She loves 'school.'
That makes me feel better.

I just can't shake the uneasiness.
Maybe a better solution can be worked out - but for now, this settles the topsy-turvy Tues./ Thurs. mornings.
I know God knows the answers.
So I will try to rest easy.
So many times in my life I can look back and see how God ordered my steps so that everything would fall into place. I will put my trust in Him.
I have to, because right now, I don't like it.

Now it's my turn to brag.

My husband is really impressing me today!
Sometime during the night last night, a storm blew in.
Little A. Always wakes up during a storm - terrified.
He apparently brought her into our bedroom and gave up his spot on the bed for her to sleep next to me.
When I woke up, instead of him next to me, I saw a tiny little hiney poking up in the air along with the cutest little girl nuzzled up next to me.
I never even woke up.
I got in the shower and did my morning thing.
I went to wake J. up and next to little J's bed was his daddy, curled up on the floor. Apparently, J. also, at some point in the night, stirred and was afraid of the storm.
What a fantastic daddy he is!
And thanks to his fantasticness, I got a full night's sleep!
Ain't life grand?

Game Day Cuties!

I actually took this picture with them all suited up last week but I didn't have the heart to post about the Cowboys after their romping by the Patriots. Truth be told, we're fans no matter whether they win or lose. (It's just a wee bit easier to sport the jersey after a win...)

Before and After shots.

Here are the before and after pics of the living room. They aren't that different, unless you ask me.
It better look WAAAAAYYY different after all the stinkin work it turned out to be. I have already had this conversation with some of you but I want to explain my complaining...
The reason it was so much work is not because I'm a wuss. I'm not. I just had to do everything in teensy spurts, which, in turn, ended up seeming like a lot more work.
I would put in a full day at work and with the kids, then after putting them to bed, I would get out all the painting stuff and tape and paint for a bit. I would then stop so that I could spend the time it took to do the clean-up and still get to bed at a semi-reasonable hour.
It took forever. I am a big fan of the grandparent takes the kids so you can work non-stop till it's done approach.
Mom, are you reading this? hehehehe
(My parents are awesome and would take the kids anytime I asked. In fact, they're always looking for a chance to take them... And who can blame them? My kids are awesome!!)

At any rate, that's the reason for all the complaining. I never could finish the job in one fell swoop. It was a work in progress for a looooooong time.

Also, I can think of no reason that all of you couldn't come see me at my house - well, except for the out-of-towners - but those of you in town gals have a standing invitation.
Especially for Nov. 6th. That's when meems is having silpada at my house. Come one, come all.

Tagged and bagged.

Seven things you never knew about me and now wish you didn't. or as you put it...seven strange/weird/crazy things about me. (this is really out of my comfort zone. You people are going to think I'm nuts.)

ok - so bacamama, crys, and kdp tagged me.
Do I have to find 21 weird things about me?
I am certain that there are at least that many...

• I count E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!! I count letters in the words I speak as I speak them. There are 16 ceiling fans, 36 pots lights, 28 can lights in our sanctuary at church (sorry pastor... I really DO pay attention) My laundry baskets have 72 holes in them.... I never stop counting. never.
• I slice 7 slices of tomato. Seven. Always. If I run out of tomato on slice #6, there's a problem.
• If I have an extra sock leftover after laundry folding, it goes in the trash... Wasteful, I know, but I do keep cool socks... If you have a sock left, you're not finished. I have to finish. And yes, I do realize I am perpetuating a problem here...
• The sound of football games on Sunday is one of the most tranquilizing sounds I can think of. Yes, really. Even if I don't care for the teams playing, I keep the tv on for the background noise.
• I cannot listen to music without analyzing chord progressions and trying to identify each individual instrument used to make each song.
• I have a major peeve when it comes to people singing. It really bothers me when people start words that begin with vowels with an "H" sound. ( and becomes "hand" - totally bugs me)
• The things that bothered me when I was pregnant and had very young babies are the very things that I find myself doing to other young mothers, like petting their pregnant bellies, telling them their child has lost a shoe, etc.
• I am not organized. At all. This may come as a shock to some of you. If you were to look in my closet (ahem, la) or my cabinets, you would realize how bad it is... I get really nervous before large gatherings at my house that someone will see how messy I am behind closed doors...

I think that was eight. You got a freebee.

I tag scraps and A's rich life.

And for my second tagging: I tag camezi and esther.

And for my third: La and cg

________________________________________________

Here is an adendum.

• I am terrified of water that I cannot see to the bottom of. Bathwater's ok. The ocean, not a chance - I will literally have a panic attack.
• I like to look at people's hands. Creepy.
• I don't think there is an existing bra size that will fit me perfectly.
• Once I woke up and there was the impression of a footprint on my face. I was sleeping alone. I wake up often with a footprint or handprint pressed to a weird place on my body. Limber Lucy...
• I really could go on and on - but who has the time to read a post that includes every single weird thing I can think of.

It is finished.

My living room is completely painted!
That is all.

Baby Bible.

So a month or so ago, my mom bought J. a Bible. His first.
He loved his Bible so much that it lasted oh about 15 minutes.
It was a hardback and the cover was ripped off by bedtime: Day 1.
I've been making him carry it all shredded up and talking to him about how we treat the Word of God.
Last Saturday, after he prayed THE PRAYER, I thought I should look into the possibility of getting him a 'big boy' Bible.
So I did and I gave it to him about 30 minutes before church on Wednesday night.
I told him to be very gentle with it, like it was a baby.
It was a fancy soft cover one.
We got in the van, drove to church, and started to go into the building.
I heard a thud followed by, "Oh, sorry baby."
Yep, he dropped his Bible.

Peace, love and afro-grease.

Can I say that?

This morning my hair was uber-frizzy after drying it.
One of the 'perks' of this amazing weather, I guess...
So I had to put some anti-frizz/smoothing cream in it - only I was distracted while I squeezed the bottle - (Let's not talk about what the distraction was...) so I squeezed too much into my hand.
That stuff isn't free and I'm not one to waste - so I had a choice to make: Wash money down the drain or apply it all to my hair.
I'm cheap. Into the hair it went.
By 3 pm, I was regretting the decision.
Now I look like someone could fry bacon on my head.
So if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, my suggestion is to say goodbye to your beloved excess smoothing cream - or you could rub it into your crusty elbows...
Just a thought...

bleh.

I told you in the title what this post is about so be forewarned.

I am so frustrated.
It seems that every time things are really getting revved up with me spiritually and I really feel like I could reach out and touch the heart of God I'm so near to Him, something happens.
Something rolls up and rear-ends or sideswipes me.
It isn't the fact that there are things that come up that bothers me.
I know Satan goes around seeking whom he may devour, I even expect the war to be waged.
What bothers me is that I know that something is likely coming down the hatch, there have been times, like this one, that God even prepares me for what is coming - and even with all this knowledge I still get knocked off course.
I want to stay the course.
I don't want to be unstable.
Everything in me wants to experience a day in the life without the roller coaster ride. I want a steady stream of God.
God's love never changes. His schedule never gets too crowded to squeeze me in.
My schedule is so packed that I can't squeeze me in. I am the reason for the ups and downs, not Him.
But lately, I'm not gonna lie, God has been sharing time with me in the shower and during car rides. Ha! Car rides with 2 pre-schoolers...
He patiently and persistently waits for that moment that we can steal away together.
It bothers me that He's the most important thing going on in my life right now and silly things like cars that won't start, and sickness, and sleep deprivation, and lesson plans, and grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, are all getting in the way of that.

My children are watching my relationship with my heavenly Father.
My husband is watching too.
There is nothing that is paramount to them seeing me love God. And to really, really worship Him. And for me to lead a life that glorifies and edifies and is real beyond any doubt.

But I'm so overwhelmed.
I've been knocked off course.
Life has overtaken me.
I want to take it back.
I'm going to bed early tonight.
I'm going to wake up early tomorrow.
I have a date with my Maker.
(No, not THAT date.)
We're going to enjoy one another.
Me, God, and my cup of jo on the back porch tomorrow morning.
Maybe I'll find that path I had been on.
I was created to worship.
I want to be whole-hearted and clear-minded before the King, giving Him the best of me.
Morning breath and all.

Twitchy-McTwitch-face...

The dreaded eyeball twitch is here!
My eye has been twitching all day.
I need an eyepatch or something.
Geez!

Hide and seek.

I am sharing because someday this will be funnier than it was today...

5:12pm > I have to be at school for an open house by 5:30pm.
We are frantically getting ready. The kids are finishing up their SECOND dinner because the first was unacceptable... (Don't ask me why I gave in, I just needed things to go smoothly and I couldn't find my taser.)
I told J. to change his clothes because he looked like a "ragamuffin." I neatly laid out his clothes on the living room floor for him.
I told him more times than a proud parent will admit readily. It must have been like the fourth or fifth time that I told him to get his hands and face washed, and get his clothes changed...
But it was more like, "GET YOUR HANDS AND FACE WASHED AND GET YOUR CLOTHES CHANGED..." (from across the house while I reassembled pigtails for the elevendy-millionth time)
I said, "Did you hear me?"
No answer.
I start shuffling through the house looking for him while still getting ready.
"J. this isn't funny!!! If you can hear me say, 'I'm here'..."
No response.
5:18pm
Checking his bedroom.
Checking closets.
"Oh God, Where are you?"
"J. You have to answer me..."
"WHERE ARE YOU? THIS IS NOT A GAME!!! J. MOMMA'S WORRIED!!!"
5:20ish> I'm running around outside shouting at the top of my lungs, in a dress, with no shoes on, in an absolute frenzy...
"J. Where are you?"
"Please, please Where ARE YOU???"
5:2-something...>
Back inside.
Still looking in every crack and crevasse for my precious.
I start looking in places that I have already looked once.
"If you are hiding from me , when I find you........ AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
So help me, J. I am so scared. WHERE ARE YOU??????"
I went back to my bedroom and then the bathroom.
I looked in my shower for the THIRD time...
There he was.
Laughing.

5:28pm>
This is the exact moment of indescribable relief and anger that overtakes every atom of a mother upon discovery of the unsolicited game of hide and seek they have come to realize they were playing...

He laughed. It. was. the. greatest. thing.----EVER!
I began to explain in my crazy person voice all the reasons it was not funny.
#1 being: What if you had been kidnapped?
#2: What if you had been dragged away by tigers? (a mother must always include tiger mauling as a derogatory consequence for various mal-acts)
#3: I am late to the open house and you are standing here in Superman underwear with syrup all in your hair and laughing???
Oh no you don't... That's it. That's the last straw...Come here...

I was still ranting about 5 minutes later when the doorbell rang.
I cannot tell you all the reasons I knew who it was.
Every mother must have that sense of dread... Being caught in their weakest and most insane moment.
I just knew it was CPS.
They had to have heard my shrieks of terror and then ANGER BEYOND ANGER.
They were coming to take them away...

I went to the door and it was the Kirby people.
Stupid Kirby salespeople.
Oh Thank God, it was the Kirby people.

5:34pm> We're in the car.

5:37pm> We're at school. All polished up. Like nothing ever happened...

Light the darkness.

When I was in the fifth grade I had an awesome teacher, Mrs. Almond.
She taught my homeroom and English.
She was incredible!
She was a Christian and she knew I was too - so she would talk to me about God.
I always felt so significant when I spoke with her.

One thing she told me has really stayed with me.
Occasionally I will drift into negative thinking and I almost always remember these words she spoke to me more than 15 years ago:


We all have a choice to make in life.
We can either light a candle, or we can curse the darkness.


I want to be the type of person that sheds a positive light on things. Even those things that seem dark. But especially, ESPECIALLY, I want to always be the type of person that edifies with my words and my actions. I do not ever want to be a nay-sayer or endeavor to take anyone's joy away.

I know how hard it can be to look on the bright side, but there are so many things worth praising Him over!
I cling to the words in Philippians 4 - even in the face of adversity.
I will focus on the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

October 13, 2007

Today is a day that I want to remember forever.

I decided to go out to my parents' house with the kids to relax.
Just the suggestion of relaxing was relaxing.
On the 30 or so mile drive out there, the radio stations were playing the best songs.
I was worshipping so sincerely that I almost forgot that the kids were with me.
J. started asking me questions about God.
I answered them as well as I could. I have been trying to be sensitive to God's timing with J. because he has asked questions before but then told me he wasn't ready to pray the prayer.

We got to my parents' house and had a great, relaxing afternoon.
Everything seems to be a little more laid back and happen more slowly in a small town.
It was just what the kids and I needed today.

On the way home, J. started right back in where he left off asking questions about Jesus and God and heaven and laws and sins /"black marks on your heart."

Then came the moment that every Christian dreams about.
He asked me if he could pray the prayer to ask Jesus into his heart.
I could tell that he really understood.
Maybe not in it's full complexity, but as a 4-year old understands friendship with God.
I was so happy.
As a mother.
As a Christian.
As a friend of God.

I have not stopped crying from pure joy.
That moment was so wonderful.
I hope I never forget it.
I want to frame it in my heart and mind forever.

Then the thought occurred to me:
What must be going on in the heart of God right now?
There is a huge party in Heaven tonight - just for J.

I am so thankful.
I am thankful that I got to be there.
I am thankful that I got to answer his questions.
I am thankful that J. got to tell his daddy all about it.
I am thankful for a child that truly loves God.
It is, after all, every mother's dream.
To see your children love God.
What more is there?

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Joshua 24:15

I am...

I am a tryer and a doer.

I wonder why I have been blessed so much.

I hear children singing praises to God and giggling all day long.

I see God smiling.

I want to be a child again and bless His heart.

I am a tryer and a doer.



I pretend that I'm a kid sometimes.

I feel so young, but so weighted by life.

I touch the marshmallow clouds with eager, childlike fingers.

I worry about things like 1/3 of a gallon of milk left on Tuesday.

I cry when I cannot try enough, do enough, be enough.

I am a tryer and a doer.



I understand that my best is all I can give.

I say I want to finally have nothing to try or to do...

I dream about being snuggled up with nothing on my mind but snuggling.

I try to make things happen that cannot be forced by my hand.

I hope for that day I will have tried and have done it all.

I am a tryer and a doer.

Genius child.

Little A. is on the pot singing Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, between grunts...
So cute.
I, as a musical person, am more proud than ever.

Messages...

Thanks Wendy!

You're the best!

What is it like to have a friend who's willing to bend over backwards to make your day better?

I'll tell you, It's pretty darn sweet.



Meems- I have felt like a tease all day!

I really am sorry. I think I get in such a rush with life that I don't take the time to communicate things well. You were so sweet too! I'm a jerk. Sorry.



KJ- I need your email stat. Can seph or crys give it to me?

Slumber Party.

I am going to a slumber party on Friday night.
It's very exciting!
J and A want to have a slumber party.
I know you're all jealous but YOU'RE NOT INVITED!!!
nanny-nanny-booo-booo.
I will most likely be kicked in every possible organ.
And I will be very tired when I wake up.
But I will have been tickled and have sweet nothings whispered to me all night long by two very sweet babies.
They are so funny!
They like to 'hide' under the covers for long periods of time...and it's only fun if I'm under there too.
I hope I don't have a heat stroke!
I love having slumber parties with them!

Mornings at casa mio.

Thanks for all your kind words about the updating that I've been working so hard to get done! It's been keeping me so busy that blogging hasn't been at its best - I'm sorry for that.

I need to catch up on some kid stories.

J. is usually the sweetest thing in the mornings. He cuddles. He just is so wonderfully sweet, but yesterday morning when I woke him up, he looked at me all annoyed and said, "Is this completely necessary?"
I couldn't help but think of all those times in the middle of the night when I was abruptly awakened by a little person and fought back the "Is this completely necessary?" response...
This morning when I woke him up, I sat down on his bedside and a rush of something cold and wet was all over my backside...
He hasn't wet the bed in so long I was shocked!
I asked him about it and he said, "I really thought I was awake. I was outside peeing on the tree. And then I wasn't. I was really still in my bed."
I laughed. We've all been there, done that. Haven't we?
But that did not change the fact that I was sitting in a puddle of pee. On Thursday. When all my clothes are dirty. And the only thing I had to wear was what I already had on, which is now pee-ey. PEE-YOOOO!!!
Anyway, I went the whole day looking like a ragamuffin...

Dining room/kitchen update.

Things of note:
-We have 3 chairs. The other three are in the 'chair graveyard.' If you have any chairs that you need "taken care of"- an afternoon with my son would be in order.
-I will be sanding and refinishing the table post haste.
-Also, I am planning to lay new tile flooring over Christmas break. If you would like to learn how to tile [lend a hand] clear your schedule... ;}
-I don't have tiebacks for the curtains yet, what you see there are rubber band decorator tiebacks...
-I realized that I centered the family portraits on the wall, not necessarily with the coffered ceiling - I'll have to address that, in my free time, uh-huh.


Otherwise, the list is remarkably shorter than it was only a week ago.
I am ready to sit back and enjoy it. I also need to paint my toenails.
My dad is my hero. He came today to hang the light for me. I love the chandelier!

Sidenote: The chandelier is the one I watched at Sam's all summer long.
It was a $125 Hunter chandelier. I am not a $125 chandelier buying person. I wanted that one though.
I finally went back to visit that chandelier and it had been marked down to $24.71.
That, my friends, is a bargain.
I love it!

For Nana.

I'd like to buy Nick Folk a coke.

Wendy - would tomorrow be ok to schedule pictures for invitations?

Or I can take the pictures and send them to you...

meems - the ladies up at school are LOVING silpada. I hope I'm not jinxing it.

I am so excited! My dad is gonna help me hang my chandelier tomorrow. I was no match for the Hunter "EZ Install" fixture. So much for my handy side.

Dining room is finally finished! (except for the fixture) I did not know that painting a room red would be so involved. Why did those of you with red rooms (marme) not warn me?

I feel like all I ever talk about lately is home improvement. This too shall pass...

Vaqueros de Dallas.

They pulled it straight out of their hineys.
It was so stressful.
It's kinda funny that I let myself get all nail-bitten over it - but geez, that was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad game that somehow ended well.
5 and 0.
Now that's something!

I think they did it to spice things up a bit.
It was getting boring just watching them thwack the competition.
This game was Monday night twilight zone at its best.

Here we go!

Cowboys are playing. It hurts.
Go ahead. Make your jabs and sneers.
I can take it.
Some game, meems?
*
I painted half of my living room tonight. I'm bushed.
*
Why is it that when you make the decision to paint a room, you have made a commitment as huge as marriage?
I feel like I'm in, you know? No turning back.
OY!
*
I also smeared what looks like kitty litter contents on my bedroom wall.
I was trying out a color. It is not good.
I'll probably take a picture so all of you can say, "yeah, that's bad..."
I am to the "I need help" phase of decorating. I am at a stalemate.
DO NOT TELL MY HUSBAND I JUST SAID THAT.
I'll deny it to my death.
*
Weird story from school. Let's just say the ol' thing we always joke about as moms. "I've never met a Kindergartner who wasn't potty trained..."
I have to stop saying that. Maybe I'll say 'college freshman' instead...
*
I told my sister that it annoys me to read her blog because I have to scroll down to see if there's anything new. It's like opening a present and the bow gets stuck. Man!
Yes, I know how lazy that sounds...
*
I feel amazing. Almost 100% again. That's saying something.

responses to comments...

Meems - thanks. You're sweet to me.

Sticky - the carpet color can go, not a big fan at all - that was what came with the house...
you should see our bathroom countertops... oooooo - nice...
the bedding is negotiable, the pictures are actually for the bathroom, but I just hung them there b/c there were already nails there, the curtains must stay - I waited too long for them.
It's hard to imagine a finished product with so many variables, but I do see an end in sight...

Seph - yes, I do like the bedding - but a girl is always up for a change in the bedding department.
The wall color has got to go. I think it's hard for me to imagine the yellow as being serene. It's funny, I have enjoyed that color before. It's just not the right color for this bedroom... or in combination with that carpet, which much to my consternation, will be harder to change than the paint color...
There are beginning to be too many parallels in our worlds now. It's getting weird.
My birthday is Nov.7. No wonder we both love autumn so much. It's our season.
but I can only dream about being 25 - it is a distant thought...

Kj - you're too kind. but thanks. I can't wait till it's finished. painted and the right stuff hung on the walls...

crys - I'd say we're much better. I still sound funny and scratchy but the fever's been gone for long enough to say it's safe.
Plus, who knows when we'll all be well at the same time again? :)
We'd love to get together - tax season is closing in on us... dun.. dun...dun...

Jac - yes, the only thing is - I don't take time to enjoy whatever gets done. I just move on to the next major obstacle. Maybe it'll work out to where we can stay at this house a while after the work is done - the last house nearly killed me and then we moved... This one is my dream house, in whatever shape its in...

The albatross aka.curtains...

I've been belly-aching to Chris about how I need help hanging our bedroom curtains for over 5 months now.
I am not good at hanging stuff like that. Overhead arm strength is not my specialty.
Yes, I'm an admitted weakling.
The real point here is, I have not had bedroom curtains - just blinds that are not blind at all.
I could look through our bedroom "blinds" and tell you license plate numbers from cars outside... Needless to say, I got creeped out trying to get dressed in my room, or sleep in my bed.
I wanted my curtains, dang it!

I griped. I tried to bribe. I whined, complained. Set everything out.
Still I could never manage to get it done until tonight.

I still need to paint the room. I first need to decide what color it will be.
I'd also like to set the carpet on fire - there may be a few angles I haven't thought of yet, with regard to arson...
All in all, I am very excited about the way things are finally starting to get done around here.
It does so much for a girl to have her nest all gussied up.

playing house.

I've been hanging out around the corner listening to my kids play house.
It's bringing back so many memories of playing house as a child.
J's "daddy" and A's "mommy."
They are saying the sweetest things to one another.

They are so sweet. They don't even know how much mommy needed to know how she's doing.
Their words are healing because they are repeating the things they've been hearing.
C. and I have been trying REALLY HARD to be nicer, more loving in front of the kids (and well, all the time.)
The things they have been hearing sound so much sweeter from their mouths...

How refreshing to know we're doing a good job loving each other in front of our kids.
An answer to prayer for sure.

still sick.

okay - I am sure that by now you all are getting sick of me talking about being sick.
I, too, am sick of talking about it.
But we have almost come full circle with it.
Now A. has tonsillitis.
I still sound like Catherine Hepburn.
It's kinda sultry if you ask me...
I'd rather have my old voice back though...

Yesterday, I called in sick to some birthday parties. I felt so bad yesterday morning, I thought about going to my parents' house and vegging out all day - but I decided, instead of infecting them with our yuck, to stay here at my house.
To keep the messes to a minimum, we played outside most of the day.
It was really beautiful!
And it's harder to feel sorry for yourself while enjoying a gorgeous day outside!
I am a restless type of person, so I decided to get some stuff done on my sick day.

I trimmed my hedges - with my new hedge trimmers - the Cadillac of all hedge trimmers...
love 'em!
I painted a workbench J. made with my dad to match his awesome new nightstand...
I raked up thousands of acorns, our backyard doesn't have stickers - but stepping on acorns might hurt as bad as stickers.
Repotted my asparagus fern.
Fed and watered all my plants - I bet they're glad for that!

Then we came inside.
I hung a bunch of pictures!
I am so proud!
We have lived here for over 5 months now and I had not yet hung anything!!
The only things on the walls were things I hung on nails that were already there.

I painted some more in the dining room and kitchen and finally covered all the wall paper with paint. You can hardly tell there was ever wall paper there!! Victory!

Anyway, because we still have sickos, we'll duck out of church again today.
Cowboys don't play till tomorrow - so it looks like another work day around the house...

Maybe I'll get my chandelier hung in the dining room...

doi.

doi stands for Disney on Ice.
doi is actually the sound I made (akin to the sound Homer Simpson makes) when I saw $12 snow cones, $16 swords, stinkin' $too many$ dollas...
But I wouldn't take anything for how much fun we had.
It was magical!
Little A's face got more and more beautiful with each new Princess. She was awe-struck (sp-stricken?)
And J. - well I have a confession to make about J.
I spent the afternoon at Shamrock clinic with him. He had high fever all night long, and by the time we got to the clinic, it was back up to 103.
Poor baby!
I must say, normally, I would not have taken him into public - but after talking to the dr. and considering the 90 bucks we spent on tickets - I decided to keep him quarantined - NOOOO!
I took him to doi.
Sorry town of SA -but I figure, somehow we got sick from YOU, so here's the gift that keeps giving...
I am so sick of being sick.

Back to tonight, doi.
It was really incredible! If you do not have tickets already but could somehow go - you should!
I think I would have loved it even without children...
Good stuff.
I'd smuggle in cheap snacks though...

I'm going to bed.
I'll try to post more once the awful incredible sickness leaves our home.
At this point, I feel like fever and puss-pockets on the backs of throats is the norm.
Please Lord, help my baby and me get better quick.
And Help this momma get some rest...

This day.

my kids fight.
nonstop bickering.
i thought my head would spin off freakshow style if i had to hear them argue one more time...
thank God for 7:30.
i do love to be with them - but i like it best when they're sweet to one another.

i swore i wouldn't blog about this...
la even accused me of doing it so that i would have something interesting to blog about - i wish that was the case. i am just really, really a circus act.
today, in a moment of 'momma-protector-instinct-induced' hysteria, i licked a battery that had been rolled all over my precious baby's face to see if the liquid oozing out of it was, in fact, battery acid. it was. my tongue still burns. the kid's face seems to be unscathed. my tongue is very, very acid burned. don't ever lick a battery. i don't care what reason you may think you have - there must be a better way...

my husband works at 2pm on tuesdays - i don't get off work until 2pm on tuesdays. there's always this weird overlap of childcare for my daughter (who stays with daddy on tues./thurs.)
so my boss suggested that my husband start bringing A. up to my work on tues after lunch and i can watch her along with the other preschoolers.
it's been working out great, except for one rather superficial aspect on my part.
my boss looked out over the playground today and pointed to a child and said, "who's that?"
it was my daughter. she was brought to me today with fraggle rock hair, a snot-encrusted face, a raggedy t-shirt, and her BROTHER'S shorts on.
it was very funny. very my hunny.
i love my husband - he's really good at so many things - but even he will attest to his weakness where dressing the kids is concerned. he is absolutely horrible at it, to the point of hilarious.

The schpeel.

My husband's uncle - my uncle in law?? - invited us to a football game with the family!!

If for some reason the Cowboys were ever knocked out of contention for the playoffs
(yeah, right) or on their by-week - I cheer for the Green Bay Packers.
The Cowboys are having such a kick-tail season that I hadn't given much thought to the Packers.
But, as it turns out, they are having a record setting season of their own.
And right now, I am about the happiest person ever because the game that we were invited to go to with C's uncle John to is Cowboys vs. Packers!!

What could be better?
My two favorite NFL teams, each having stand-out seasons, for my VERY FIRST in person NFL game!!!
I am stoked!!

See? I told you that you would be annoyed...

Holding Back.

If you did not hear my shrieks of excitement, you soon will...

Something wonderful is in the works.
Something I have been waiting for.
A long time coming, I'll say.
It's almost certainly not what you're thinking.
But a huge deal to me, nonetheless.

ok - your suspense is totally awesome.
I'll come back to this later.
You're going to be mega-disappointed...
I, on the other hand, will be in hog heaven!!

What's going on here?

When I found out I was going to be a mommy, I went from being super-independent straight back to my momma's breast.
Well, maybe it wasn't that bad, but still. I don't think I changed a diaper that I didn't first consult her about it. My mom filled the role of mother, nanny, doctor, pastor, best friend, and pretty much whatever else I needed. She's my hero. I was so very, very attached to her (and my dad) that I eventually stopped running to God when I needed something. I ran directly to my parents. How draining that must have been! It must have been like having a newborn all over again...

I was also completely dependent on my sister for female friendship.
I hung out with her as often as she would come over to my house, taking up as much of her social time as she would give me. I became demanding of her. I required her to call me everyday, because we were dating... hehehe But seriously, I gravitated to her so strongly that I saw no need for other friendships, save a few.

I then saw a need in my life for a mommy friend. A friend that also had children so my children could have friends. There was this incredible girl at church, but I had trust issues.
I finally broke down and let myself be myself around her, and she still called me.
I was shocked! And we became best mommy friends!

I had my perfect circle!
What had been broken through years of selfishness had been mended with my parents and my sister and brother.
I also had allowed myself to have one other friend outside my family.
I had really branched out!

I began to focus all my effort on my little family, and the exhausted few others that were a part of my life.
I got so attached to these precious few that God was not really a source for me anymore.
Although relationships with God's children are important, He still wanted to commune with ME!

About 3-4 months after my daughter was born, God moved my parents away from me. Not too far. Just far enough that I could not run to them for every little thing. I had to begin to put my trust in God. And to trust that I was capable of making a decision without first calling Momma.

A little over a year ago, my sister was called away from here so that she could become all the things that God has called her to be. Leaving me to make my own friends at church, not just being absorbed into her peer group. It also forced me to come out of my coma of untrust.
I had to trust God for people, trustworthy people, to enter my life. God had to draw her away so I could draw near to Him.

Now my best mommy friend is leaving.
I know that the road ahead of her is one filled with the stuff that most of us only dream about someday doing for God. Her plate has always been so beautifully full - and with a fourth dream-bucket on the way, it is sure to get more full!
I have really concentrated my friendship (and my numerous needs) in her direction this past year and she has been so gracious to bear it. But it was never her burden to bear, I need to learn to give it to God. And soon she will be gone - leaving me again to trust God...

Though it seems I'll never wise up, I am beginning to see the pattern here.

I am not saying that this is some grand scheme or scandal, but it does seem that every time I put too much of my emotional 'stock' into someone - they end up trading up and moving away.

I just hope that the friendships I am developing with so many of you, some who are moving and others who are staying put for a while - will help me not pour too many of my eggs into your basket - I want to put my eggs into God's basket.
I have repeatedly allowed myself to become too dependent on the people around me to fill God-sized shoes.
I am really trying to do better, and with your help, I will...

But for now, I just wish that everyone I am close to could stick around for a while... ;)