A funny.

If the thought of alcohol consumption on any level offends you, stop reading now.
I would hate for your opinion of me to drop any further... :)

Today we were invited to go to a BBQ at one of our neighbor's house.
We were asked to bring a couple of 6-packs of beer and some fruit. As others were enlisted to bring a variety of other things.

I pretty much NEVER buy beer. Chris does. Sometimes people bring it over to our house. But I, as a general rule, will not be found in the store buying beer. I think that - before today - it had been over a year since I had made any purchase in a grocery store (Note italics) that one must meet age requirements to buy. (I did buy some spray paint for a project a few months back...)

The contents of my shopping cart today:
Beer
Watermelon
Strawberries
Apples
My daughter

I couldn't ever throw a ham over the top of the beer. There was no hiding in my sin...

I ran into Pastor Henry, Pastor Miller (from another church in town), and another God-fearing family with young children!!

HI-larious!

Of course, I joked with Pastor Henry. I haven't been to church in months and he caught me in the grocery store getting liquored up!! The Lord works in mysterious ways...

STOP THE INSANITY!

I just took a carpenter's knife to the middle of my dining room floor.
I cut it straight across.
I felt like such a rebel I had to write about it.

After that moment, I began ripping and tearing all the flooring out of my dining room and kitchen. It was liberating.

Chris walked in and stood there, kinda in a state of shock and asked, "So I guess this is what we're doing today?"

I shrugged and said, "I looked at that filthy, black-and-white, 50's diner floor and thought, 'I don't ever want to mop THAT floor again. Not one more time.' So I decided that instead of mopping it, I would rip it out."

Background: We bought the tile for our dining room/kitchen months ago. I have had the itch to get it done for over a year. But I had to wait until we could pay cash for the tile. After we saved up enough for the tile, I had to wait for a span of time (without major interruption) to get it done. Summer.

Thank God it's summer!

Potty Training and Bedtime Fake-Outs.

I am listening to little voices (which must be in my head because I have already put my little darlings to bed) explain the steps to using the potty.

I think I am on the brink of a multi-million dollar idea as I sit and listen.

Little steps like...

"Ok, now you hafta wiggle the lid with the hole in it to shake off the extra pee"

And

"Did you flush before you washed your hands? If you didn't, you're gonna get sick from the germs..."

And

"Hey. Don't put your feet in the tub while you're going. You could slip off and make a big mess."

I think I'll write a potty training manual taken straight from the mouths of little ones who have just finished potty training.

It would be a best-seller for sure.
If not a best-seller, it beats that Elmo toy hands down.

I guess I should go begin Round 2 of our bedtime ritual...

The purposeless post.

It's summer for everyone!
It's summer for everyone!

I love having friends who understand SUMMER!

Summa, summa, summa-time...
We can sit back and unwind.
(Best when sung while doing Night at the Roxbury with your head.)

The Schnozberries taste like schnozberries!

My kids had their first encounter with Runts today.
You know, the candy shaped like fruit - which coincidentally tastes like the fruit it is shaped like.

I know that I sound quite sarcastic phrasing it that way - but that, my friends, is exactly the mystery that unravelled at my home tonight.

J. had some candy left over from his birthday that I have been rationing for good behavior and hearty appetites. I decided that this evening was as good a moment as any to unveil RUNTS.

Man! OH! Man!

Just the sight of the stuff made a rowdy audience out of the two of them!
A. squealed, "It's Barbie fruit!"
J. couldn't contain his giggles. "You're giving us candy?"
(Embedded in that disbelief is the fact that they usually have to beg, then realize that begging doesn't work, then go through several unpleasant steps, including spinach eating and room cleaning, and then - at long last - they can have candy... sometimes.)

It was quite the moment in our home. Sort of like this 'hard' Momma is getting soft in the summertime or something...

The real entertainment came when they tasted it. J. would bite down on a banana-shaped runt and exclaim, "The bananas taste like bananas!!"
And, "The strawberries taste like strawberries!!"
Even after he had tried at least one of each of the shapes in front of him, he never lost one iota of zeal while announcing that his ______-shaped candy did indeed taste like _______...

I guess I typed all that out to say that there is no more refreshing a thing in life than childlike enthusiasm. I have the gift of being surrounded by it for the next 11-or-so weeks.
I intend to truly enjoy it and treat it like the gift that it is - to see the world through the eyes of a child.

Maybe I'll even wise up a bit...

POPS

Does anyone on this blog circuit regularly attend the POPS concert?
Just curious.

Here's to something wonderful...

It's finally summer for us!
Toward the end of the school year I felt like I was being tossed end over end at the mercy of an undertow.
Tonight, I sit here - knowing it has been too long since I have updated my blog - with little to divulge.

My son graduated from preschool. There was an adorable little ceremony in his classroom on Friday. I cried big tears. He hugged me with his big knobby self and I was both proud and sad.

My little girl got her ears pierced. I saw a very brave little woman perched high up in a chair as she waited for the shot of pain that she knew was coming. I kept trying to talk her out of it - not really ready for it myself - but she insisted that having her ears pierced was exactly what she wanted. And it was. She loves having 'real' earrings. I can't believe my baby is big enough to make a decision like that.

I have looked forward to summer like it was a far off galaxy for so long. Now that it's here, I really don't know what to do with myself. I have all these things I'd like to do - but I am so bad at pacing myself - I am afraid I'll try to check off my whole list within the first few days of summer... It's a good thing I have two adorable kids to help set the pace.

I miss my friends. Working so many hours and having an obligation to sing at another church on Sunday sure has made me feel lonely. I am glad I will be done with that by the end of June.

Still can't find my camera or the memory card that was in it. Poo.

I hope this summer is everything wonderful and beautiful that anyone could ever want.

I never loved or really appreciated being a full-time stay-at-home mom the way I do now for these twelve splendid weeks each summer!
So here's to another summer...

Somebody pinch me...

Tomorrow morning the movers will arrive at my parents house in podunk-ville.
They will load 37 years worth of an accumulation of furniture, artwork, and what-not.
They will drive to the most beautiful house on my parents' new street and unload the contents of that moving truck.
After much pushing, lifting, nailing, and tugging, the final resting place for each treasured item will be decided.
If you knew the way my mom rearranges furniture, you would be laughing at the use of the word "final."

At long last, they are coming.
We will be neighbors.
"Can you spare a cup o' sugar?" neighbors.
A literal hop, skip, and jump from my house.
It's palpable and I am jazzed!!

Happy Birthday, Precious One!

My! How time has flown!
My baby boy is turning 5 years old today.

You have an unparalleled gift and ability to really savor life.
Your exuberant spirit and over-the-top reaction to everything here on this earth have brightened our world!
You have taught me a thing or two about really LIVING. Full throttle.
Without your dimples and Hershey kisses eyes flashing in my direction when you've done something kinda rotten, our lives wouldn't be half as fun or exciting!
The simple yet profound questions you ask as you eagerly taste your world are refreshing.
Your unquenchable curiosity is truly a mark of the gift God has given you - to crave learning and to seek answers.
The truth in your laugh and the purity behind your eyes challenge me to be the very best I can be each day.
I cannot imagine this world without your footprint in it, you are a truly unique and wonderful gift to us all!
I love you, my ooba dooba with every ounce of love my heart can muster!

Heel clicking.

Including today, there are 6 days left at our school.
I'm just sayin'...

Happy Mother's Day

How can a daughter express in words the things she has grown to know, love, and depend on from her Momma?
Mom- you epitomize unconditional love in so many ways.
Your unrelenting devotion to your family to the point of self-sacrifice and beyond is boundless.
I cannot begin to tell you, Mom, with the words I know what you have meant in my life.
You have filled every shoe I needed you to. You have kissed every boo-boo, physical or emotional, I ever had.
"Thank you" isn't enough.
I think there may be no better way to show my appreciation than to emulate you. You are my role model - few have been blessed to grow up with such a Godly woman in their life - teaching them and filling them with all the tools necessary to live a rich, meaningful life.
I have the honor of calling you 'Momma' and I hope and pray that one day my children will see my Momma in me because every day I try to love my babies the way you loved yours.
I love you, Momma!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Packrat.

My son knows every item he ever obtained, in what manner he obtained it, and from whom the item was obtained.
He keeps a mental Rolodex of each item. A running inventory. If I remove any item from his bedroom in an attempt to sneakily rid our home of a very broken or problematic toy, it becomes the topic of discussion for days - until he finally realizes that his evil mother has thrown something away that was precious to him. Then we go through the grief process.
It is wonderful. ;}

As I write this at a little after 10:30pm on a Saturday night, he is choking back tears because I told him we were going to have to go through his toys and get rid of all the "trash."
He literally scours the bottoms of our trash cans looking for things to recycle. I know recycling is a good habit and he should be commended for his dedication to the task, but his understanding of recycling and what it truly is are two different things.
He wants to keep the empty milk jug forever because 'there must be some use for it.'
He has no intention of ever parting with any of his coveted trash.
We are beginning to have a bug problem. Ewww.

I am afraid he has inherited a genetic propensity towards being a pack rat - from my husband's side, of course... :0
And I am on the other end of the spectrum. I do not lack sentimental appreciation for truly meaningful things. I still have the shrivelled up umbilical stumps from my kids - I know, that's gross - but I do. I am sentimental enough, just not on the level that my son is.
He makes me crazy because telling him that any part of his lifelong collection is trash and needs to go breaks his heart. He is literally verklemmt at just the mention of getting rid of anything.

So please - savings bonds from now until forevermore.
At this rate, I'll be renting several storage buildings for his things by the ripe old age of 10.

And yes, he's still weeping even now because he knows that tomorrow I will enter his room with a trash bag and it will leave filled up with his 'precious belongings.' Poor baby.

Moronic behavior.

We had a Mother's Day Tea Party at school today and I wanted to look nice. It was also the final program of our school year and the first time many of the adults in connection with our school would hear me sing. I was nervous and felt like a little primping would go a long way for my confidence level.

Wrongo.


I wish I could find my camera and take a picture of the shoes (i.e. torture devices) I wore all day. They might as well have been stilts.

I, the girl with undeniable cankles, have been led to believe that the contour (or lack of contour) of one's legs can be optically altered by wearing very high heels.
I am not sure as to the scientific validity of this theory, but I was desperate to appear sleek and ankly and less stubby and cankly. So I was lured by the bright orange/red Target clearance tag and purchased these stilts er... stilettos.

OUCH!
I will say that the sight of me hobbling around with a guitar and a half-hearted smile trying to conceal excruciating foot pain probably distracted the audience from my cankles.

Mission accomplished.

FYI

An Ivory Comforter, Stay-put Lipstick, and a 3-year old girl do not a happy mother make.

Nerd Alert

I am awake.
I cannot even get to the point that sleeping seems like the thing I should be doing.
I have been successfully pulling off working 10-12 hour days, being a mom, cooking, cleaning, snuggling, bathing, putting to bed, and going back to finish up my work for 2 weeks now.
I have lost 9 pounds doing it - that's the bonus.
Chris has been amazing. He's been doing stuff for me around the house that if I told you how awesome he is - you'd want to gripe at your husband for not being awesome enough - so I'll spare you - but trust me, my husband is way more awesome than yours. :)
I just had to brag on him...

There are two open positions through our district that - based on my paper credentials - I am qualified for. When I think about all the job requirements, I do not feel qualified.
I might apply anyway. Could you better envision me as a nerdy orchestra teacher or a 9th grade choir director??
I wanted elementary.
I'm rambling.
It's almost over - the whole year. I think the years go by more quickly when you're a parent/adult/whatever I am.

I still do not think of myself as an adult most days - isn't that strange?
I am a kid in my own mind. I think I like it best that way. Still no gray hairs. Maybe I still qualify as a kid by some definitions.

What time does the tea party start on Saturday?
Can I pay when I get there?

Clearly somebody needs to sleep...

Did you know?

that a box of Nerds has a blast radius of approximately 3.4 classrooms?
Neither did I... until tonight.
These are the types of facts you become painstakingly familiar with when you are a janitor.
Thanks for listening.

I have turned to the darkside.

I am guessing those of you who go to church with me are noticing my profound and prolonged absence.
I have turned to the darkside.
At least temporarily.
I wasn't going to fess up - I was just gonna slide right on under the radar, but confess I must.
I have been asked to help out at a certain church in town with music while their star soprano is on maternity leave.
I thought twice about it, though.
Then they offered to pay me.
For singing in a choir.
There is apparently a price at which I can be bought - at least temporarily.

(That last line just isn't ruminating well. I'm gonna leave it 'as is' anyway.)

Ice Cream Man.

Why does the mere sound of the ice cream truck turn all children into whiny, fit-throwing brats?
I guess it's so that saying "No" becomes that much easier...

Nightmare.

To anyone who is as excited that it is the month of May as I am, this depiction of my nightmare will make perfect sense. To the others, it may take some explaining...

I had this awful nightmare last night. Truly the absolute worst thing I could have dreamt.
It went like this:
Everything was normal. Normal day. Normal stuff. Normal everything. EXCEPT that it was currently February. That is my nightmare in a nutshell.

Breathtaking.

Did anyone see the sunset last night?
I was fortunate to get home from work just in time to be reminded of His greatness.
I stopped the world from spinning (LOL) for just a few moments to bask in the glory of that sunset. How perfectly peaceful it was.