My New Crusade

I am beginning another chapter in my life -doing something I never thought I'd do.
If fact, if you know me at all, you know that this is not something I would ever do - willingly.
But I am beginning to see that the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks.
So as I do all things in life, it's all or nothing.

I joined Gold's Gym.

I'll give you a moment to recuperate.

It's called 'working out.'

And I am horrible at it.

1. Because I went to a private school and have never really set foot in a gym before this week.
2. Because I am a practical person who likes to busy herself with productive things - and until recently I have viewed working out as a frivolity that I could not afford myself.

Then, I took a "Real Age" test online. Foolish move on my part. I was thinking, 'I'm nearly 29. I don't work out or drink the right amount of water. I'll probably be 35 or something...'

Wrongo.

My 'real age' was 47.
Ouch! I'm nearly as old as my mom - sorry mom...

That realization coupled with a family history of diabetes and heart related illnesses pushed me over the edge.

I decided to do something about it. But because I know myself, I knew it had to be a commitment. It also had to cost me something. Something I couldn't afford to waste. Money.

The only thing I hate worse than not being able to fit into half the clothes in my closet is wasting money.

So...
I have begun.

"Tell me how good my life is."

Those were the words that I answered the phone with this evening when my husband called.

The truth is - I already know how good I have it. I am blessed far beyond anything I deserve.

But.

Things can get hairy.

Right now, I have two kids with Strep throat. I am working a lot this week. Two part-time jobs can feel all-consuming. Chris has NO days off this week. He will put in at least 85 hours, not counting product inventory and employee schedules. Poor hunny. It feels like a lot. It almost feels like I won't be able to handle it.

But.

Every time I really get into a bind, there is help for me. Whether it is tangible, practical help from my parents, husband, or a friend, or if the problem works itself out - there is always help for me.

There are also times that the dilemma cannot be solved by simple, practical aid - those are the times I have to hunker down and really dig deep to find out what must be done to solve the problem.
Like failure to connect with God. His lines of communication are always accessible to me, so when there's a glitch, I know where to look for the breakdown.

Honest introspection.

I finally dealt with a little 6-years long glitch this week.

Each time I would get into an atmosphere of absolute submersion in His Presence, this glitch would come to my remembrance, causing the seamless and beautiful moment with my Lord to jolt to a halt.

The worst part? The hang-up that kept me from really sinking my teeth into the goodness of God and worshipping with abandon was NOT REALLY A BIG DEAL. I mean, it did take a moment of vulnerability and a confession of sorts, so it wasn't a cakewalk. But ultimately, it is no longer an issue.

So tell me how good my life is.

To be hopelessly unworthy and brought to repentance. To be forgiven. To be acceptable and wholly accepted. All in less than one breath.

Thank You, Jesus!

Hair drama, lack of sleep, and sick kids.

Last night, Wendy was very kind to re-highlight my hair. I liked what she did the first time, but I wanted a tad more oompf.
Oompf I got!

I got to bed late last night. I like to call it 'Stupid:30.'

Then it turned out that J. got sick in the night. So there was little sleep to be had...
It is always amazing how very sick the little ones can get so quickly.
When I am getting sick, I usually know days ahead of time. With kids, it's boom - take 'em to the doctor.

So I sat in the waiting room of a clinic with him most of the afternoon and found out that he has strep throat.

He got a shot in the hiney and 10 days worth of antibiotics, so I would imagine that he'll be feeling better in no time.

Tomorrow, I will call our pediatrician to find out what to do about little sister who has been complaining of having "Owies" in her throat...

Round 2.

Tomorrow marks the start of the last week of summer school. After that, it really will be summer. All the way summer.

And if those of you who know me well enough to know that the Oompf in my hair was slightly beyond my thresh hold for change - Yes, I have already tweaked it to make it more subtle.
I still look like a rock star - just a slightly less Oompfy one.


**************** Additional Information****************
I need to specify that Wendy did a fantastic job on my hair BOTH times she highlighted it. I have been notoriously skiddish about doing things to my hair. My policy on makeovers is to do as little as possible and maybe it will be slightly noticeable. I decided, momentarily, to take a walk on the wild side - ok, let's be honest - the slightly-less-tame-but-still-not-wild side. I couldn't handle it.
As for the job Wendy did, it was really, really good.

Idiots on Parade.

If you had posted an application with your local ISD...
If you had known for a long time that your financial situation might demand full-time employment...
If you were one of few applicants who was 'certified' to fill one of two openings in your district...

If all of these things were true of you and your situation...

Then,
If a certain principal showed up at your school because (as a twist of fate) you have been teaching his son at summer school and have gotten along famously... That certain principal is ready to interview you for his opening and offers to pull your application and get started on it right away.

Would you then look at him and say, "I didn't apply for your opening. I'm honestly not interested.?"

No. I didn't think you would. You're probably not an idiot.

But sometimes the truth is hard. That truth was hard for that moment, but perhaps it spared me a very hard school year. If I had gotten in the way of things and taken a position that wasn't right for my family or myself, who knows what could have happened.
I feel a great amount of peace that when it happens, my whole family will be 'on board.'

I want to teach. No, I want to succeed in teaching. I want to make a career out of it.
My definition of a career does not begin with a full out belly flop as a middle school orchestra teacher.
I don't even think I could tell you 4 things about teaching orchestra.

So I'm an idiot. An idiot with no regrets.

expressing my outrage

i have been cleaning our school for a couple of months now. juggling kids, my regular job, and chris' job. it hasn't been exactly easy, but i have tried to keep the attitude that it is a blessing. i have rarely deviated from that perspective.

tonight was deemed a night for deviation.

it is not as though anything was different from the norm - i simply got angry because of something that just isn't right.

so here i am, expressing my outrage.

there is a sandbox. it is roughly 5 feet square and 8 or 9 inches deep.
it is inside a classroom atop carpet. reread that last sentence, for therein lies my gripe.

i guess that preschool aged children view an indoor sandbox as a sort of anomaly because they are drawn to it on a level far above your average outdoor sandbox.

sand gets everywhere.

i think there is an invisible sign that says, 'party in the sandbox at 12:15.'

regardless, i am not one to squelch good, clean fun.

it's the fun that creates a dune 4 feet away from the sandbox to which i am opposed.

every day i sweep the sand into a dust pan and i throw it away.
yes, i throw each panful away - yet, in the dead of the summer, more sand appears.

sand. gets. everywhere.


i'm gonna level with you. there is no vacuum cleaner known to woman, no matter how much it sucks (and by "sucks" i mean the ordinary function of a vacuum cleaner) that can manage to extract sand from carpet. it is an exercise in futility.

my expression of outrage ends as i vow not to lose my christianity over this indoor sandbox.

i did, however, have to move the guy who invented pantyhose down a notch on my 'things i hate' list to make room for 'whoever thought it would be a cool idea to have an indoor sandbox at a preschool.'

POPS

Just so you know, I did not end up auditioning for POPS. I chumped out.
And I am glad. For me, it is a better thing not to do something if you cannot devote all the attention it needs. Blah. Blah. blabber. blabber. So there - I'll admit it - I'm a scaredy cat.

shaking things up a bit...

*playdate at my house on Thursday morning.

**10:30 am to roughly 12:30ish. I was thinking we could go our separate ways at our kids' various lunchtimes...

***bring a suit for the kids (and yourself, if you're brave).

The weather is expected to be hot and dry so I thought an earlier outside time would work best.


If anyone has a hankering to bring cookies or a snack, feel free.
Otherwise, we will have the ol' standby: capri suns, popsicles, maybe a watermelon, bottled water, and lots of conversation.

Esther, I know I said I would call you and discuss which day would work better. Something came up on Friday - making Thursday my only option. I hope that's ok.

Can't wait to see all your sunblocked selves in my backyard!!

It's 10:43am.

And I have done NOTHING.
I have not even made coffee.

I do love the summer.

The parent trap.

What to do?
I must have spoken too soon about the smooth transition into summer for my son. It has been quite the dramatic week.
I feel like I have put more effort into that kiddo than everything else I have ever been a part of - combined. I wonder if there's any way that I can raise him without ruining him.

He's unique and wonderful and exactly the kid I would have ordered from a catalog - but still gives me a pretty good run for my money. Every single day.

I guess with the perpetual nature of motherhood in the summertime and the way I am so careful to plan out our day to keep him (them) entertained, I get pretty exhausted by his fit-throwing, general lack of gratitude, mistreating little sister, refusal to go to bed, going to battle over silly things before you even realize that you've gone to battle, refusal to eat what is presented at mealtime, emotional meltdowns, incessant begging to eat candy/Popsicles/fruit snacks, unsolicited rages, it goes on and on...
You know, just the run of the mill "Man, that kid really needs a reality check" stuff (read: spanking).

He's a lot of really wonderful things, although a touch unrefined at 5 years of age.

I love him.

So tomorrow I will lose the defeated attitude and launch headlong into another day trying my darndest to raise that kid. And someday, when I do accomplish that booger-bear of a task, I'll look back with fond and loving thoughts and smirk at him with an all-too-knowing glance as he embarks on the lifelong chore of parenthood himself.

Would it be wrong for me to gain even an ounce of pleasure if his offspring proves to be as challenging as him?

I think not, because along with that challenging child will come a host of other treasured memories that can only come from the day-to-day, moment-by-moment raising of a child as 'spicy' as my little J.

I would not trade all the 'spice in my life' for a moment's peace if it meant I had to live life without him.
Being his parent has been nothing like what I thought parenting would be like.
Nothing.
I have become 10 times the person I was prior because of the way we have stretched and learned to love one another and live together.

He, in his five short years, has taught me more about love and commitment than any other sole influence in my lifetime.
Still, most days I feel like I have failed him.
I am never prepared for what impossible situation will be presented next - and consequently, I don't initially respond in the textbook parent manner.
There's a whole bunch of trial-and-error, mingled with good intentions and lots of love in my parenting style. I bet it looks more like a comedy of errors from the outside looking in,
but we haven't stopped trying our hardest to get it right.

'Tomorrow is a new day - with no mistakes in it.'

I say that to him often as I tuck him in at night. Then I close the door to his bedroom and I say it all over again to myself.
He and I will get it right one of these days...

Pause for the in-laws.

The good news: My in-laws are coming to town today. Right this very minute, they are approaching our house.

The bad news: I learned of their visit mere moments ago. My father-in-law called and said, "What are you guys up to?" I said, "Not much really." He said, "Good. You're about to have some company."

I love it when they come to visit. It really means a lot to Chris and the kids. We always have a great time and the doses of it are never too much. I kinda just wish I could have a smidge of time to prepare. I would have marinated steaks for grilling. I would have made a fresh apple pie.
I could have Martha Stewart-ed - dang it!

Oh well.... I guess I'll just have to spend what precious little time I have left before their arrival blogging. That sounds like a good use of time.

(for those of you wondering if we would be interested in going to the lake or a family art day, it looks as though we just acquired a whole new agenda. I'll take anything that keeps me from having to grout the tile we laid last weekend.)

blah-gity blog.

I am sunburned.
I am guessing this comes as no surprise to the girls who saw me at the pool and were kind enough to offer me sunblock.
I fear it was too little too late and I have been suffering the consequences of my inaction for the last two days.
I must admit, I have never been this sunburned in my life - nor have I ever given much credence to others who seem incapacitated by a mere sunburn.
Woe is me.
I will never doubt you fair-skinned, freckled ones in your anguish again!


The kids have been saying countless cute things.

Little A. woke up and began rubbing her eyes. She said, "Mommy, I have traffic in my eyes."

J doesn't usually do well with a major change in routine. I worried that the onset of summer would be too jolting to his system. To the contrary, he has done quite well with the lazy days which remain mostly unscheduled. That is great news to his Momma. Although there is more time for dumping thousands of tiny toys on the floor...

Our VBS through the school starts on Monday. I, being the janitor, will let you know how I feel about that in due time.

Chris and I made a tasty dinner tonight. We worked together in a tight space for a prolonged period of time without so much as a single tiff. I am beginning to think that we have run out of things to argue about after 5 years of marriage and two kids. Maybe I'll start an argument tonight so we can feel young again...

I love my family and friends.

I think it is amazing that in the whole universe, God put each one of the people who are in my life there for a reason, and I in theirs.

Sometimes I wonder what I can do to add to their lives.

My kids make me smile from the inside out. That is the best kind of happy if you ask me.

Mother of 4, or something like that...

I have decided that I could have had more kids.
I gave birth to two, but today I am keeping watch over 4 precious babies.
It is, in fact, easier to have 4 than 2 - at least for one day.
(Provided that the last two do not come from my genetic line of stubborn and temperamental kid types... LOL!)
I am sure that after a week or so the novelty would wear off and the bickering would again ensue.
But for today, 'mother of 4' is really filling the bill for a prescribed "almost" day off.

(You actual mothers of 4 reading this blog should add a spoonful of salt. I realize that in the perpetual world of motherhood, my life would be very different and exponentially more complicated with 4 kids.)

Thanks crys and jerry for giving me all the baby sugar I can squeeze in between now and when you come rip them out of my arms. Mean baby thieves.

What a fun, fun day!

What a day!

I woke up this morning and it was just like any other day - Quick! Get to the coffee maker!

But mornings lately haven't been feeling much like mornings a week or so ago. I sit. I drink coffee. We build pillow houses in the living room floor and drape huge blankets over them. We laugh. I tickle my babies. We savor the morning.

Had to go sing at the stuffy church again this morning. Only til the end of June, my friends! We will return soon enough to our real church!! We have really missed it...

When I got home from church, it was 108 degrees in my house - give or take. Chris and I set out to tile our dining room and kitchen. It's really hard to begin a big project like this one - for fear that you won't be able to finish.
My parents can do anything and they have taught us oodles in the process - but I am no master of any trade, so I had to get some help from my parents today. They are so good to help out when we are in a jam!

The kitchen is 85% tiled and the dining room is finished except for the grout. All we have left for tomorrow is underneath the fridge and stove. I am so glad to be getting a major project checked off the to-do list so early in the summer.

I finally turned in my completed application to the administration building last Thursday.
We shall see what becomes of it all.

I have been talked into auditioning for the POPS concert. Every year, they hold auditions to find
a soloist. My college professor seems to think it will enhance the odds of a certain resume finding its way to the top of the stack. I have never even entertained the idea before this year - I did tell her, "I'd rather swallow a horse shoe." And I would. I hate public singing because I make myself sick over it. It's obnoxious. It's also real. Maybe I can grow out of my stage fright, even if it's in adulthood.

My kids are staying the night with my parents tonight so we could finish up the tile job. I must say that 10 blocks away is very nice.

I guess that's it.