Home for a little while

I got home last night from the 'Walk'
It was so much more than I thought it would be.
I learned a lot, cried a lot (shocker), and felt very loved.
Thanks to those of you who played a part in that.

One thing I can say is that most of what I learned cannot be verbalized, but one thing I learned can...
It's Emmaus, not Amaeus.

Incidentally, if you are ever asked to go on a Walk, GO.
Time well spent. I wish I had done it a long time ago.

Elevator Music

I am leaving in the next few minutes - and I wanted to leave you with someting that might
annoy you for the next few days...

news in bullets

• I have been scheduled for an interview. It's Friday, August 1 at 8:30am. The most important thing is that I want to be where I am supposed to be. I keep praying for direction.
• I took my very first ever violin lesson today! It was so much fun.
• I am apparently "The Wedding Singer" and I didn't realize it. Yes, Shan - they have sucked me in...
• I have fallen completely off the workout wagon - at least this week - it has truly been all but impossible to get to the gym this week. So busy!
• I leave tomorrow for the Walk to Amaeus - there won't be any way to contact me - if for some reason you must find me, call my parents.
• Jenny took pictures of my kids last night - I can't wait to see them! It's cool to see someone you know as a friend be so professional!

Not my child...

I drug the kids with me to Target on Monday night.

Is that the right word? "Drug?"

Anyway, the only things on my list were 1. a birthday present and 2. sunblock.

I was so looking forward to this outing as we had been cooped up in our house all day - waiting on a phone call from our ISD which never came...

Also, I had not been to Target in quite a long time in an effort to keep our unnecessary expenses down.

I strolled around the store leisurely. I ran into seph and we had a marathon conversation - the kind that mommies who have a sum total of 3 1/2 kids with them do not ever get to have - and then the kids and I checked every nook and cranny that clearance items are usually stashed.

Finally, I realized that I had forgotten to look at something I had been meaning to look at - stalling for time - and as I went back to the area of Target where our journey began earlier that evening, A. said, "I am exhausted of this!"

How can this be? A child of mine getting 'exhausted' by being at Target? Not possible.

inconvenience.

Have you ever walked around a train of 5 or 6 laundry baskets in your bedroom for a week and huffed because they were so 'inconvenient' to have to walk around?

Your answer: Who has 5 or 6 laundry baskets?

the happenings.

Next week is a busy week for us.

Starting Thursday at 6pm, Chris will begin his last vacation for the calendar year.
I am going on a "Walk to Amaeus" - (I think that's how you spell it.)
I have never been on one of those, nor do I know much about it. A good friend of mine said she'd like to sponsor me and she handled getting me a scholarship to go, so I am going.
I don't really know what to expect, but I have been told that it's a 'personal spiritual journey of a lifetime.'
Aren't all of you girls excited about the potential there? Maybe I'll grow up a bit and re-emerge as a slightly less high-strung person. Revel in the possibilities! :)

Anyway, Chris is going camping with his high school buddies for a bachelor party that same weekend so our kids will be staying with my parents.
Can you imagine a sweeter deal?
My parents are awesome for being so available to us!!

Once all the chickens get back home, we'll turn around and go to the Dallas area to see my lovely sister and unleash the fury of the O. family at Hurricane Harbor!

We'll get back Thursday night, just in time to once again, deposit our children at my parents' house and take off for the wedding of some of our friends.
I am supposed to be singing at the wedding. I have yet to crack open a soundtrack and practice. I guess I am not too excited about what I'm singing, I don't know.

Also, I am hoping that whatever happens with our local ISD will happen before Thursday so I won't have to be a full-time nail-biter for the whole week while we're traveling.

I guess you all have our itinerary now...

roller coaster.

i am so exhausted by myself.

i have been having such enormously high highs and tremendously low lows today.

it's stinkin exhausting.

every 5 minutes i'm checking a certain web site for jobs.
there were three openings for my area of specialization two days ago. today there is ONE.
the one i want is the only one remaining. i have heard nothing.

i sit by the phone and every time it rings, my heart goes into my chest - then i realize that it's a friend or family member - and i'm relieved and disappointed all at once. thank God for caller id or everyone would have their feelings hurt by the all-too-obvious tone of pure dejection i would have once i realized it wasn't the school district...

i have the single most impatient personality of anyone i've ever known.
i want to have figured it out yesterday...

unfortunately, i know nothing. it's friday. i won't know anything for several more days. if, in fact, i am even under consideration for this job, i won't be given the opportunity for an interview for at least three more days.

three more days of this rollercoaster?

somebody call me and distract me from this ridiculousness.

oh wait - that might be too disappointing... ;)

Pray

If ever there was a time that we needed prayer, it's now.
Nothing dramatic. Nothing life or death.

There is an opening at our ISD.
An opening that I would click my heels together all the way to, if given the opportunity.
It's elementary.
It's an answer to prayer.

Pray that I will:

1. be given an interview.
2. not be a weirdo at the interview/ appear like I am the one for the job
3. be offered the job.

Those things are obvious - but sometimes in my prayers, I overlook the obvious...

God knows what we need.

Pray also that His Divine Purpose for our lives reigns supreme so that if this isn't as good as it looks, I will be shielded from it.

This looks like an opportunity that could get the ball rolling in the right direction for us. Chris would no longer be hamstrung to a dead end job. A job that sucks the life out of our family.

Yes, I'm being dramatic but just the mere taste of the possibility of freedom from that job makes my heart rate go up!

Thanks for your prayers! And thank you, Jenny, for looking out for us!

(She's the one who tipped me off about it.)

Living with Giggles.

if i were given full license to blog...
blog without sparing any detail...
you would never believe the stuff that goes on over here in my casa.
i must be married to the funniest human being alive!

Erma Bombeck style.

"Any man who would critique the way his wife mows the lawn ought to be flogged."

Spin Cycle.

I feel like my husband and I have been in the spin cycle with life for some time now.
While many things are happening that are good, there are issues that make me feel like a dog chasing its tail. Spinning round and round without any resolution.

This morning's church service was really something.
I went in hard and unwilling to break. The speaker was funny. He cracked joke after joke. I laughed. Then I remembered that I was supposed to be "hard."
Don't ask me how he was able to pack real substance into a gut-bustingly funny sermon. I honestly can't tell you how that happened. But it did.

Laughter. It was perhaps the only thing that could have softened me today and made me able to expose my spiritual underbelly.

I have personally been cycling in and out of very unhealthy thought processes for my entire married life.
Bitterness. Unforgiveness. Unwillingness to change. Resentment. Wishing things were different.
The whole nine.

I am not writing about this so I can hang out dirty laundry - I am writing about it because I would imagine that on one level or another, those thoughts are not isolated to my marriage, or my experiences. Everyone - in some form or fashion - has to confront disappointment. We all must confront unmet expectations.

Unmet Expectations and Disappointment could quite possibly be the hardest things I have had to deal with during the course of my marriage. The many separate issues have carried many name tags - but they have always fallen under one of the 2 aforementioned categories.

This post is in no way meant to attack my spouse. I am moreso referring to myself. Personal goals that remain unreached, unattainable.

I have mistakenly labelled things like social status, financial prosperity, likability, and outward appearance as more important than living a quality, peaceful life free from conflict and strife.
Things that aren't eternal have been emphasized as though they were.

I have neglected to spend enough time in prayer and reading God's Word, in favor of keeping up appearances - a clean house, a good marriage, well-maintained kids, 'getting ahead', etc.

Not that having a clean house, a hot meal, or plenty in your bank account are bad things to want - but if they are the only things you aspire to - you have certainly missed the mark.

The whole time my earthly house was clean, my spiritual one remained cluttered.

It's not easy to find those wonderful Scriptures that are tucked away in your heart when they are cluttered with feelings of bitterness or covered by unfair comparisons and the disappointment of your shortcomings.

This morning at church, God opened the washer's lid and stopped the relentless spin cycle.
The damaging cycle of my thoughts, the unhealthy cycle of our life, the unnecessary spin.

And now that I have had some time to reclaim my equilibrium, I have been able to adjust my thoughts to thoughts that are more productive.

There may not be any clearer resolution to some of life's quandaries - but at least I have a less dizzied focus on them.

So Thank You, Father, for opening the lid.

I said all that to say that even the most well-meaning people who want good things in life can lose focus while being bombarded by the things that happen everyday.

I never made the decision to get bitter. I woke up this morning and realized that the monster of bitterness had attached itself to my back while I fought back the monster called disappointment from the front side.

The spin cycle is not really a good place to linger.

I guess I need to get ready for a 'Rinse' cycle now.

Quitters~R~Us

At what point is it appropriate to stick up for yourself and say, "Hey pal, I quit.?!?!"
I put my two-weeks notice in over 4 weeks ago for my janitor job.

I'm not complaining. It just turned out to be less hours than I thought it was, therefore rendering itself merely annoying - not really overly financially helpful.
So - as all things go, I had to weigh the pros and cons.
Ultimately, I decided I'd rather reclaim my summer than to be tied to a job that was not only inconvenient but also added little in the way of cushion to our tight summer budget.

Since when does two-weeks notice translate to a month?

This is where all you fine-and-dandies tell me to stop being the idiot who keeps showing up to make sure the job gets done...

Touche'

Cuteness.

I was filling my coffee cup this morning as J. rounded the corner speedily.
I said, "Hey cuteness!"
He paused and looked up at me with a slightly confused look on his face and said, "Hey, Mom-ness."
He's a doll!

Something I refuse to do.

I have decided (much to the rest of the world's chagrin, I'm sure) that I am not about to get in a great big hurry for anything.
I have so many things that I should be trying to get done right now. But I have decided that I want to sit here drinking coffee with my adorable daughter in my lap watching Higglytown Heroes.
That is quality. That is what will prevent me from looking like I tried today.
I don't mind though - because I am refusing to get my feathers ruffled.
So I will meander through this way too busy day and at the end of it - I will not be sorry.

For my unique sister.

Unique. Beautiful. Made for a purpose. You have always amazed me with your willingness to adapt yourself to fill whatever need is most pressing. You are unique, yes. Indeed you have been poured into a very different mold - but that fact makes you even more useful to the Kingdom of God, not less.
As the Potter turns the Wheel, it's not always clear what type of design will unfold. Sometimes we think we know exactly where life is going to take us.
Take this fork, for example. It was made for a specific purpose - eating utensil. That was all it was ever intended to become - but someone else saw something more in it. Something beautiful. Something useful.
This fork was set apart, just as you have been.

I love all the things that make you unique - without your peculiar purpose, I, for one, would be lost.
Thank you for allowing Him to mold you differently so that you can achieve that higher calling that is yours in Him alone.
I love you!

Food for Thought.

I know most of you are sick of hearing about 'working out this' and 'eating right that' - but considering that it is filling most of my days right now - I feel there's not much else I can blog about.

I have faithfully gone to the gym for almost two weeks straight. (Minus out-of-town days.) That's two weeks longer than any previous "Get Fit" attempt I have ever made.
I am eating Special K and Lean Quisine and drinking tons of water and living in a state of aching body I have never known before now.
My daily workout generally consists of two hours of cardio and 1 hour of weights every day.
I am honestly applying myself in ways I never have in order to give this new lifestyle a fighting chance.
I am, for once, trying to lose weight and get in shape in the healthiest of ways - without resorting to starvation or other instant result methods.

I have gained weight.
Yup. Gained.

For those of you who want to tell me 'Muscle weighs more than fat,' - I scoff at your input.
I don't think it's fair that someone who is monitoring their caloric intake, and is consistently burning more calories than are being consumed, should have to listen to the bit about 'Muscle weighing more than fat.'

It's simple addition and subtraction - and I am on an upward climb.

So I have gained weight. I must be one very muscle-y girl.

You have not heard the end of this saga...

Ay Carumba!

This afternoon I made one of my favorite salads for us to eat for dinner tonight.
I have to spend lots of time chopping up tons of yummy healthy things, so I don't make it very often.

One of the key ingredients is jalapenos. I have to remove the seeds and veins.
I also threw in some cilantro, black beans, avocado, tomatoes, green chiles, serrano peppers, white corn, garlic, and lemon juice. No cooking, only chopping. So good.
(Crystal had the distinct pleasure of talking to me while I choked on the jalapeno fumes...)

Anyway, once I got it made I slipped it into the fridge, put on my workout clothes, and went to a Step aerobics class.

I thought about my yummy salad and how good it was gonna taste several times during my workout.

About halfway through the class I was sweating my buns off. I mean an 'all over body sweat.' The front of my shins were dripping. There were drops of sweat running down the bridge of my nose. My feet were saturated by gross sweat...
My toe started to burn. Not a muscle burn, but more like a nerve pain or a wasp sting. A really uncomfortable burn.

By the end of the class, it was excruciating.
I got home and removed my shoes and socks - wondering what in the world had happened to make my toe hurt so badly.

The pain was isolated to the one toe, so I checked it first. Sure enough.
A jalapeno seed had landed on my toe while I was chopping away. I must have put my sock on over the top of it, and then off I went to my workout.

So the life lesson I learned today is never chop jalapenos barefoot.
Write that one down, ladies, words to live by...

Pool time!

Because I love playdates.
Because my house cleaning is ranked 118th on the list and I am not about to have people over.
Because I miss seeing my kids playing with other kids.
Because, let's be honest, I miss seeing my mommy friends.

I am planning on taking my kids to the municipal pool on Friday at 1PM.
Please come if you can.
The forecast is sunny. Bring snacks.

Wendy: When the kids and I go, we plan to stay all day. However, there are times our plans change - like when someone poops in the pool...
SO the plan is to stay until 5 or 6ish. I could be talked into staying later if that meant you would come...
And it should cost between $5-$7.

My Little Girl.

Aargh!

No. I'm not a pirate.
My MIL and FIL are in town for my Bro-I-L's Birthday.
We went to a hibachi grill last night and it was great.
I stayed up way too late having fun and smoking everybody on Guitar Hero - who would've thought that I'm pretty decent at that game?
I slept in the middle of our living room floor and somehow - still not sure how yet - missed the fact that Chris and every other adult in our home last night got up, showered, and left the house without me even realizing it!

That was fine. The problem was that while the kids and I slept in late - we were supposed to be getting ready for a photo session. My MIL doesn't have any pictures of all her grandkids together, so she scheduled a session at Sears (without my prior knowledge, otherwise I would have suggested one of my fabulous photographer friends for the shoot...)

Anywhoo, the time for the session was 10am. I woke up at 9:30am. My kids were still asleep and I was in shock. One - because we had slept so late and Two - because there was NO WAY.

No way we would make it to a Photo Session with our hair combed and our faces washed and our dispositions not sour by 10 am...

Somehow we did it. Somehow.
I think it was a miracle. But we made it.
Two hours later and after lots of desperate attempts to get 4 kids - ages: 7 months, 3, 4, and 5 years old to smile simultaneously - I am so grateful that I have friends who are mastering the art of portrait taking. I hate Sears. I hate it.

Please can I schedule a real photo shoot soon??

Incidentally, there was only ONE shot that wasn't awful...
I couldn't even stretch the truth and say it was good - just not too terribly awful...

Somebody needs a nap.

We're going to a shrimp boil!

My hunny and I are going to his hometown this evening to enjoy an evening with several of his high school buddies and their wives. Our kids will be staying here with my parents - Thanks Mom and Dad!
I am excited because it is not only time alone with my hunny - but also he is going to have lots of fun catching up with his friends and he needs to have fun worse than anybody.
He has worked a relentless and awful work schedule this summer.
Poor guy!
I know gas is high, but it looks like this may be one of the only opportunities we'll have for a while to get away together.
Off we go!

Have a happy 4th!

So I've dropped the ball

It appears that there is only so much of me to go around.
That is apparently so true that if I decide to take on any other challenge in life - no matter how small or large - something else must lose its rank or priority for the new challenge to find its place.
I wish I could say - well, in order to accomplish THAT, I'll have to decrease the time I spend snuggling on the couch with my sack o' tater chips.

But no. That is something I cannot say.

So if I am going to add anything to my schedule, something's gotta give.
House cleaning. I think I am going to let cleaning my house slide for a while.

I LOVE Sauerkraut!

I could eat it every day!
Well, maybe 3 times a week...

I haven't had any in a long, long time.
I was in Wal-Mart and saw a little glass jar in the shape of a barrel and my mouth began to water. I HAD to have some.
I have been eating it right out of the jar.
Delectable!

You should try some.
Now I am online trying to come up with recipes including sauerkraut.

Another reason Fredricksburg is one of my favorite places on Earth - amazing sauerkraut!