Better Thoughts.

Anyone reading my posts lately must be getting dragged down. Sorry about that.
I guess there are times for all seasons.
Grief. Joy. Abundance. Lack.
Regardless of the season or the circumstances surrounding them, God is God.

Although there are things that are weighty going on, there are also things that bring my spirit into a season of thankfulness.

My children are healthy, brilliant, and crave learning about God.
They are the sparkle in my eye and the bounce in my step.
They absolutely engulf my thoughts and keep a smile on my face.
I love them so.

My husband is turning into a softy in his old age. :)
He is being quite tender with all of us these days. No doubt the realization that life is short and we all are subject to death has been ringing through his thoughts. I don't think you can be faced with the death of a close friend or co-worker and come away without being reminded of the temporal nature of life on this earth. It is never easy though, to let go.
My husband is a good, good man.
I love him so.

My parents are daily coming into town to remodel their new house. I wish I could say that they were living here already, but there is much work to be done before that can happen. They always buy fixer-uppers and each one turns out more beautiful than the one before.
I guess that's why I have never been afraid of hard work. I have seen my parents work hard their whole life. It not only increases your knowledge, by learning how to work with your hands, but it also builds your character and cultivates a sense of accomplishment and makes you appreciate what you have. I don't think God could have given me better parents. They are absolutely wonderful.
I love them so.

My sister is a faithful friend. There have been many days in my life that I have not been the better person in our relationship. She is ever patient, forgiving, and ever waiting for an opportunity to share time with me. I have been blessed to have her as a sister, a friend, and a spiritual mentor.
You don't always get the whole package in a sister. I was blessed with a wonderful sister.
I love her so.

My brother has been going through a phase of growth in his life that many of us have been praying for for a long, long time. He has re-committed his life to God, found a very special little lady, and has found favor and success in his field of employment. I look forward to our conversations. Each time I speak to him, it seems like he gets sweeter and happier. I enjoy spending time with my brother, my friend.
I love him so.

My God has been a constant, faithful friend and a reminder of the unfailing acceptance I have sought for so long. He has taken me and pulled out of me things I didn't know were there. Thoughts that are bigger than my thoughts, He has placed in my mind. Desires that are more selfless than my own desires, He has given me. He refreshes me and causes each day to be new.
I love Him so.

Our friend who had the stroke passed away today.

My closest friend at work (my son's teacher) was taken out of her classroom today and told that her father had just been killed in an accident. I could hear her wailing from shock and grief down the hall.

Tonight, we had planned a party to celebrate her birthday.

It seems like everything changes so drastically, so quickly sometimes.
My heart aches for her today.

Lord, Please comfort my friend.

highly trained horticulturist

I went to home depot.
My shrubbery was sick.
I needed advice.
I am now a highly trained and qualified horticulturist on the matter of Indian Hawthornes and fungus.
Who knew?
Who knew keeping a yard healthy would be harder than raising two children from infancy?

1. As I see it, if I do what the plant lady told me, I'll have to wake up early in the morning to water. Hmmmm... An early morning feeding... just like a baby. (Watering at night can aggravate the fungus.)
2. I'll also have to carefully measure this liquid medicine for my shrubs, not unlike measuring Tylenol for small sick children.
3. Then, if the medicine does the trick, I'll have to continue to treat the soil for fungus to ensure that it doesn't return. Roughly akin to the 10-day rule for kid antibiotics.
4. If I am able to get one shrub well, but not the others - the cycle may perpetuate itself - unless I can manage to effectively prune the shrubs so that no part of them touch the others. Yeah - passing sickness through your whole home, the only way to stop it is to quarantine everyone and make the password to exit or enter any room: LYSOL.

I simply did not sign up for another needy anything.
Those poor, poor Indian Hawthornes - they didn't get to choose who their Momma is.
Maybe they'll make it, despite of the odds stacked heavily against them.

Brag or bust?

My hunny has been especially thoughtful, considerate, and downright willing to help lately.
I hope that first sentence didn't seem like a back-handed compliment.

I think for the majority of our married life things have engulfed us. We have felt like life had a strangle-hold on us. Unplanned expenses. Babies. Money - or the lack of it. Swamped by work schedule, pressure at work. General selfishness on both of our parts.

I have noticed a definite mellowing lately - A "Let's just help each other out" attitude.
I have been really trying to do little things to make his days easier and to let him know I care about his world outside our home.

He has been offering to bring me drinks.
He made me an omelet today for lunch.
He mowed the lawn on Tuesday.
He *without being asked to do so* took out the trash.
He sometimes gets up in the morning just to spend time with us and help out while we are getting ready for school.
He has been coming to our bedroom every night to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight. (I go to bed earlier than him because I wake up earlier than him on most days.)

These may not seem like giant, life-altering things - but adding them up over the course of a week or so really marks a positive change for us.

I feel like I am part of a winning team or something.
It's amazing how so little effort goes such a very long way when you feel you are in a place of unity.

I will take the little victories over the big ones for now.
Alas, our bathtub runneth over with his unhung laundry...
:0

Please leave tips in jar.

If you have a green thumb, or any success at all really with eliminating stickers and producing that smushy green stuff we sometimes call grass,
Please comment here:

Here's what I have tried:

1. Weed killer.
2. Hours pulling weeds up by the roots.
3. rock. paper. scissors.
4. shoveling large sections of weedy spots.
5. more weed killer.
6. planting grass seed.
7. watching birds eat the seed.
8. flailing my arms wildly and running at the birds.
9. watering.
10. pulling weeds.
11. trudging through muddy spots or jumping from one 3cm grass patch to the next one 6 feet away - Olympic style with a water hose and shovel in tow.
12. a menacing stare at the new stickers/weeds that weren't there yesterday...

What's a girl to do?

Soon.

I drove by my parents' new house four times today.
Essentially stalking it.
I am too excited for words.
Tomorrow.
Neighbors.
If I need a hug, a cup of sugar, or anything really - they are a stone's throw away.
Family dinners. Saturday mornings drinking coffee with my Momma.
Going through 'treasured' items my Papa Bear has spent his whole life collecting, listening to the story attached to each precious one.
I simply cannot wait.
Family is a beautiful thing.
I love my family.

Take a Gander.

Someday they will hate me for this one - but it's darling, isn't it?

These are some of the pictures from our fishing extravaganza.

It was fun - but I am not sure we'll go again with both kids until they are a smidge older.

feelin' mighty proud... and sore.

I have finally finished some of those projects I had planned to do over Spring Break.

• I planted no less than 75 separate plants. Mostly perennials, but some annuals for a touch of color.


• Weeded and fertilized our yard.


• Got my first official sunburn of the sunny seasons. Please refer to aforementioned bullet-point...


• Removed the unwanted or dead landscaping from our yard.


• Took the kids on their first ever fishing trip.


• Spent some time with family.


• Painted my bedroom. I seriously wish I had before and afters. And before and afters. How many colors did I try? Probably at least 5 or 6...


• Began decorating my bedroom. Mostly with stuff I already had - but please pay specific attention to what is on my dresser!! I'm a spoiled brat!!


• Got our bedroom ceiling fan hung, courtesy of my hunny. That marked the removal of the last pink flamingo from our home - sigh... Have I ever told you about the vibrant color choices of the previous owners? heheh I think we found around a dozen different pink flamingos.


• Polyurethaned my dining room table - finally. I had stained it, but never put on the topcoat to protect it. Silly, I know - but I like to live dangerously with two small children. :)


• Hung some shelves. And my bathroom towel bar. Woohoo! Our towels now have a home that IS NOT the floor!


• Got the tile that we will install during the summer ordered.


• Did not suffocate under oppressive amounts of laundry.


• Survived spring break and my to do list.


• Played with my kids and got gruff with them on a few occasions.


• Tweaked lots of little things around the house not really worth mentioning but that made me feel swell.

I feel like I am risking 'persecution' by talking about decorating and keeping my house just the way I like it. Maybe persecution is a strong word, but goodness - I like it better when I can know that the people who are reading my blog are going to use their words constructively and to edify. I am thinking about making my blog private because I don't want to feel like I have to censor what is going on in my world or the telling of it.

(For those of you who are completely confused, I feel I should mention that someone did use some pretty harsh and anonymous criticism toward a good friend of mine because she had expressed a desire to redecorate her bedroom while keeping expenses to a minimum.)

Here are some pictures of my nearly finished bedroom. Please note that the color of the carpet is a point of much dissatisfaction for me. And no, you do not need to adjust the color on your screen... It is strawberry pink.

utterly exhausted

there is only one kind of 'exhausted' that rivals 'childbirth exhausted' and that is yardwork/remodeling exhausted
i am it
or
it is me
i am pooped

what a day
the to do list ain't got nothin on me
i am about to conquer it

i am so tired my mind is thinking in sentence fragments
maybe i'll have something eloquent tomorrow

This will be funny someday.

Yesterday, my son thought it would be entertaining to color A's bedroom walls, doors, carpet, and furniture with lip gloss.
This was no mild infraction.
It actually evoked the quiet response from me.
If none of you are familiar with the quiet response, it goes like this:

Normal response - You walk into the room and find something kinda awful, you shout and holler and the kids are not phased at all.

Quiet response - You walk into the room and find something despicable beyond all belief, you utter no words. You just stare. There probably aren't words to describe all that is being communicated with the stare. At long last, you quietly, and in a somewhat psychotic whispery voice, offer suggestions like, "J, why don't you walk down the hall, (pause) into the kitchen, (gulp) and grab a washcloth. Then you can come back and (gleefully and detached) clean this up. (All smiles)"

There is real fear in the room at this point. I do not encourage using the quiet response for anything other than real, nightmarish events - otherwise it loses its potency.

I have never had to utilize my psycho, quiet trick twice in a short period of time. Until today.

Yesterday was lip gloss artwork. Today was much, much worse.

First of all, it would be important to note that there is a mother-in-law visit in progress. She witnessed the whole thing. For that, I am ashamed because due to the sheer magnitude of the offense, I had to 'up' the poker face just a smidge.

Here's today's event:
The kids have worn me ragged throughout the day prior to the arrival of Grandma with oodles of Easter baskets and goodies. Enter goodies: enter misery for mom.
They were ravaging the baskets and making Grandma feel so happy.
How they savored their treats! It was kinda cute. Until...
They had run out into the backyard and crushed about a dozen confetti eggs and then thought it might be cool to crush the hard boiled eggs they just painted, Yucko!
Egg in hair is not really a good look for anyone, nor is it a delightful smell.
The worst of it came when J. realized that playing with gum when Mom isn't looking is an adrenaline rush.
He must've pulled it out of his mouth and started playing with it. Stretching it out between his fingers, like a "spiderweb."
Next thing I knew A. walked in with her head ducked low and said, "Mommy, J. put spiderwebs all in my hair."
I looked real close and felt of it, because this looked like one phenomenal spider web!
It was NOT spiderweb. It was gum.
It sufficiently coated her entire head in a web-like pattern. It was smeared into her eyebrows and down one of her cheeks.
Then came the boy child.
He walked in with gobs of sticky mess between his fingers and his best attempt at putting 'bubble gum' eyeshadow on.

At this point, it was clear we were all too far invested in this moment to back out now.
I quietly asked, "J, is this bubblegum?" Ha! As if there were any other possibility...
He sheepishly said, "It's spiderweb."
Good one.
I encouraged them to go to the bathtub and touch NOTHING along the way.
A's hair was an absolute mess. I just KNEW she'd have to be shaved bald for Easter. Tragic, I tell you.
My mother-in-law kinda stood in the bathroom doorway watching, waiting to see if there was anything she could do. I think she was already horrified at the pace my children keep, but this was way more than either of us expected.
I calmly talked with my son about all the reasons this was unacceptable.
And furthermore, that he would not even remember what chewing/bubble gum is by the time he got to college, which is the next time he'll be given a piece.
There were spankings involved. Calm, earned spankings.
I proceeded to strip globs of gum out of my daughter's hair.
Hair by hair. Olive oil is what it took. And olive oil is messy all by itself.
I pulled off the quiet crazy response flawlessly.

Both of my kids were beyond mortified by the end of this experience.

The psycho mom trick is way too easy for me.
Almost natural.

Dud.

I have struggled with feeling like a dud all day over cancelling that silly get-together.
I looked out my window this afternoon and thought, 'I probably could have done it still.'
It seemed to be drying up fairly quickly today.
So poo.
I really hope no one becomes squeamish about coming to my house for fear that Fickle Face will change her mind moments before...
I guess that's all I have.

Long live the to do list.

Why do we say, "I guess I'll get that done over Spring Break, " when the cumulative list is physically impossible to accomplish in one week?

I have been going and going - probably with as much velocity as any work week, but I am still no where close to finishing the list.

Too bad it's not cold outside, I'd make a fire and burn that silly list.

As it goes, I have shortened its' contents by a good amount.
I do know one thing though, being a homeowner means that you'll never really cross out the list completely.

Next step, polyurethane the dining room table.
I'll probably put that off until tomorrow...

• hang pictures in my bedroom
• hang the ceiling fan in my bedroom
• re-caulk the kids' bathroom
• fix the tile in my shower
• peel wallpaper off my bathroom walls
• pull weeds in the front yard
• hang towel bar and curtain rod in my bathroom
• tile dining room and kitchen

I put this list up here for me, and rest assured it'll never get done over the course of this week.

I'll be glad if it gets done by summer's end.

The Darndest Things

I was washing dishes today and A. walked in and said, "Mommy, um...., I love booger sandwiches!"
Then she turned around and walked out of the kitchen.

Forecast: Disappointment

I have thought about this all day as I watched the torrential downpour.
As badly as we needed the rain, I have found myself hating it today.
I watched my lawn turn into soup.
I watched the weather channel and saw them predict rain, rain, rain for the rest of today.
I thought about how many people I have invited to this playdate at my house.
My smallish house.
I began to become very nervous about how in the world we are going to make it work with gravy grass.
Kids in and out. In and out.
I decided I wasn't woman enough for the job.

I have opted to take a rein check on our playdate tomorrow and vow to have one as soon as possible.

You have no idea how I look forward to these things - it wasn't a fun choice to cancel.
I will try to make it up to you by doing your laundry in my spare time or cooking nearly edible meals or pulling weeds - I AM good at pulling weeds...
Many apologies.

living in the moment

plans.
lofty plans.
we make them.
we break them.
we are governed by them.

today, i had plans.
i planned to finally paint our master bedroom in a cohesive way (unlike the 5 random color splotches that now adorn our bedroom walls.)
i was readying the room and setting up things to paint and i walked out of my room and saw something that compelled me to change my plans.

candles lit on the dining room table.
two plates sitting there piled high with freshly grilled steak.
two wine glasses.
and a smiling hunk who orchestrated the whole thing.

in all my life, i have never been afforded this single, most romantic gesture of a candle-lit dinner.
it wasn't spectacular, but it was very 'us' and that made it unforgettable!
the fare? steak and, well, steak. how cute!
the company? the man with whom i have made vows and continue to love through trial and triumph.

today, however, was not a day of triumph.
today was hard - harder than i realized it would be when i woke up this morning.

ever once in a great, great while we are reminded of how fleeting life can be.
how very crucial our every breath is.
today was one of those days.

as we sat there half-mourning the losses of the day and half-pondering our tremendous blessings, one of our biggest blessings walked into the dining room in a rare after-bedtime showing.

it was our son. he was thirsty. i had put him to bed over a hour before. instead of my normal, hard core stance toward waking up after bedtime, i was soft. i fixed him up with a plate of steak and a glass of milk.

we sat there and enjoyed each other's company. no. we savored each other's company.
we truly appreciated each other. loved each other.

a moment or two later, like magic, one of our other biggest blessings joined us for our first ever romantic candle-lit dinner. she woke up groggy, but ready to partake in the late night 'date' we were having.

we sat there as a family, engaged in some of the most important moments we've ever exchanged. my husband and i were so keenly aware of the gift of each moment we have been given.

sometimes tragedies can evoke real substance from a person. when you are forced into a moment of reckoning and you, for the first time in great, great while, learn to appreciate through different, wiser eyes how much you have, you learn what you value and what is important.

tonight was one of those nights.

thanks hunny for the wonderful dinner, for our life together, and for our beautiful children.
we have been blessed beyond measure.
i am so grateful that you are in my life. i know God put us together for a terrific purpose and as each day unravels, i am blessed to share it with you.

i am sorry for the trials you now endure. i wish more than anything that i could make sense out of it for you. for some reason, it is. the best i can do is to help you through it. you are my love, the one given by God and with His help, i will help you. even through times like these.
love, a.

Wednesday at Noon.

Get-together at my house.
Please feel free to bring a lunch, eat before you come, or not - that part is up to you completely!
We will have a good time indoors and out and our kids can play the afternoon away.

If you are not acquainted with my address, you can contact the church office - they can get it to you.

I was hoping that by setting the start time around noon I would miss the majority of naptimes - hope it works for you!

PG.

My son informed me during a wise-beyond-his-years/too-cute-for-words type conversation the other day that he knows some "Bad Words." (Is it permissible to use so many dashes in one sentence?)
My initial gut check reaction was replaced by a strange need to know whether or not he really knew 'bad words.'

I said, "Oh really? So... what types of bad words do you know? It's ok - Mommy won't be upset if you say them just this once. You can tell me anything."

Then he looked up at me and said, "I know 'Shut up' and 'Stupid.'"

My relief was tangible, but I was able to regain my serious composure.

I raised my eyebrows and said, "Oh, J. those ARE awful words."

He hesitantly added, "I also know 'shoot!'"

I then said what any good parent would say, "I am sorry that you know those words but I am glad that you felt like it was ok to tell me about it. And now that I know you know they are wrong, let's not use them, ok?"

I guess in the most real sense of the rating PG, we are doing ok.

Feelers.

I need to put my feelers out to see if there is any interest.

The event in question is a playdate that would occur sometime over Spring Break at my house.
Spring.
Break.
Those words all by themselves really don't carry the same impact as when they are used concurrently.
Just the thought of Spring Break takes me to a better place...
But I digress.

Does anyone with or without young children have any level of interest in having a casual get-together where not much would be required of you except that you show up and get your chat on?

I am absolutely loving that thought.
Comment to your heart's content.

Well wishing

Ever so often, I find myself in one of those moments of motherhood that are completely unexplainable. You're not sure whether the story you're about to tell is funny or scary, or both.
This is one of those stories.

While driving in the car the other day J. began, mediated, and concluded an entire conversation all by himself.
He said, "Momma, can we get a well for our backyard?"
He paused a moment. (I was observing him through my special kiddy mirror.)
He then said, "No, we better not get one. I might be tempted to put my little sister in it. THAT wouldn't be good."
A bit later he added, "I guess we probably shouldn't get a well for our backyard."

Hmmmmm....... Ya think?
(He does have surprisingly great reasoning skills for a 4-year old.)

Arky, arky.

Guess who is having a big, fat birthday, birthday?
It's somebody I miss in the worst way, worst way...

She's fi-nal-ly as old as me, me.

It's la, lolligirl!

(Yes, I may very well be the biggest dork ever -
but if you're still reading this, you can tell that I keep good company!)

I wanted to write a poem but as far as I got was...

Did you ever meet someone without a flaw?
La.
She's so pretty, you just hafta drop your jaw.
La.
She's so generous, she'd give you her own bra...
La.

Anyway, I chose the annoying route because I realize we are in mixed company and THAT poem was going nowhere fast!

Love you, LA!
Happy Birthday to my firstest, bestest mommy friend!

Happiness is having all your little ducks at home, hearing giggles with daddy while you clean up after a good meal, and knowing that this "giggle fest" is going to last for at least another hour or so.
How wonderful!

Goodbye Scraggle-head!

I was at work today and one of the teachers commented on a little girl's hair.

It wasn't A, but I remember thinking earlier today how much that little girl's hair looks like A's.

They said, "Her hair sure does look scraggly and thin. They should cut it and let it grow out again. It would thicken up and look so much better with a bob."

I looked across the fence at my little girl.

Her scraggly, thin, uneven, baby girl hair was blowing through the wind and in her face.

Hint graciously taken. :P

That is when I decided to do this...

Sassy girl!

Jet lag.

On Friday after work, I decided to go out of town with the kids for the weekend.
I hadn't made the trip to Middle-of-Nowhere to visit my grandmother in almost a year.
So I threw some stuff into some bags and off we went.
I didn't call to tell anyone of our plans, so I am sure we look like we're MIA.
Not so.
We're back - just in time to kick it into high gear and start the week all over again.

New name.

J. has been able to write his first and last names for a while now.
I began to get concerned about a week ago when he began to write his first name wrong.
He would at first jumble the letters up, putting them into different order - then he started writing altogether different letters.
Like Celoj. Or hladroc.
Those letters are clearly not his name.
I was worried, so I asked him about it.

He basically said he was bored with his name and wanted to start writing other stuff.
I asked him what kind of stuff he wanted to write and he said, "Secret stuff. And if I tell you what it is, it won't be a secret."
He wants to write in code so I won't know what it is.
Charming...

Getting limber-er.

I have to say thank you for all the heartfelt and wonderful advice coming in comments.
I have read and re-read each one several times.

I cannot tell you that we are getting answers.
But I am getting more limber. (metaphorically speaking)

So there IS something to be said about this game of limbo...

On a positive note: hunny and I are spending lots of time together trying to sort our life out.
We don't have any answers, but we do have each other.

And God already knows the answers anyway.
So if He shuts it or opens it, my job is just to let Him be God.

Just as in the game of limbo, things only get more sprawled out before the games ends...

Seriously, could my posts get any more vague?

It's even funnier when you all know me and know how hard it is for me not to tell-all.
I guess the reason for the uncertainty is so that I'll have nothing to tell you.
We can all be surprised together!!

The title of this post should have been "Chicken Scratch and other such Nonsense"

State of Limbo.

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

Philippians 4:11

I have struggled more with this basic concept than perhaps any other in Christian living.

How does one measure contentment?
How can a person who considers themselves to be ambitious also be content?
Thus far, contentment, by most definitions, has eluded me in adulthood.

I want to be content.

It would seem that Chris and I have landed in a new state.

I have to ask, at the risk of sounding mutinous to the Bible, was the state of 'limbo' in existence during Biblical times?

And if 'Limbo' did exist back then, how did Paul manage to be content there?

Infectious.

My daughter is loved everywhere she goes.

One of the teachers at school last week looked at the way the preschool kids are magnetized to her and remarked on it.

I was walking around with her at the Carnival and realized what a head-turner she is.

Then I got to wondering why that was the case.

She was laughing. And laughing. And laughing.

She has a laugh all her own.

Completely unrestrained.

At its most genuine and unharnessed, it sounds almost maniacal.

We fondly refer to it as her "Mad Hatter" laugh.

She was "gut laughing" at the Carnival last night and people were just drawn to her.

I love that about my daughter. It's all about being full of joy!

Not to mention, she's pretty adorable...

To brag, or not to brag?

THE bathtub.

The sweet smell of victory.

Hey, I'm just taking it one day at a time ladies...

Little A. loves to be girly. Glitter, lip gloss, blush, and perfume...
Every time I put make-up (baby girl pink blush) on A., she starts hopping up and down so she can see it in the mirror.
She's too short to see herself in my mirror without a stool.

Then she says, "Mommy, lift me up. I want to show the mirror how pretty I am."

I hope she never loses that self-image.

I know that even the youngest of beauties are bombarded with negative opinions about the way they look.

She is so beautiful. May she always see the source of her beauty in You, Lord.