Jobs were posted on our local ISD's website yesterday.
Several.
I could apply for one of them.
I could stand a decent chance at getting one.
I don't want to.
I don't want to leave my too-perfect-for-words job, where I get to actually kiss my kids and do art projects with them every day.
I get to see my kids interact with their friends and hug them when they are having a hard day.
My job pays even more than my paycheck tells me because it is the PERFECT job for being a wannabe stay-at-home mom.
I don't want to go to a different campus.
I don't want to depend on someone else to drop off or pick up my kids, even if that someone is my wonderful Momma - which really would be best case scenario, if I HAD to go to work full time... But I want those memories. I want to be the one who asks them first 'How was your day?' or "What did you learn about today?" For some reason, that defines a big part of motherhood for me.
See? I am whining about being overly blessed here...
My Mom is ready and willing to fill whatever shoes we need her to fill, because that's what she does. And she could probably fill my shoes better than I could. Not everybody has that kind of availability, or Top-Notch childcare.
The problem is, I don't want to need childcare.
I want to be with my babies.
I went into the admin building today and my heart just sank.
To say that I was devastated would be overstating it - but even still there was a definite heaviness in my spirit.
We have not heard anything back on other job-search related fronts, and this is plan B.
So I asked my questions to the really nice lady in the HR department and I have been searching online tonight for further course of action.
My heart is heavy.
I don't feel ready for this.
I am so ready for the school year to end, but the question lingers - Is this my last few weeks to get to participate in my children's education in a really hands-on way?
I know that once I start to full-time work, it will not stop. So this really could be it.
Whatever happens will happen for reasons my mind can neither predict nor understand.
I am not the Writer of the Script here, so I will put my trust snugly in Him and say, "It is well with my soul."
Before too long, I might even start to believe that...
8 comments:
I hate to tell you this, but you ARE the writer of this script. You can put things in God's hand, but ultimately, somethings are up to you. I believe God has a perfect will for us, but at the same time, we are the ones making the choices. So pray. Know what His will is. Don't just expect Him to open and close doors so that things fall His way. Seek His will, obey, and you'll find His perfect peace.
Whether you are working here or there or anywhere - you will always be a fantastic mommy because that, my friend, is what you are. You will find ways to make it work. Your children will still have wonderful memories and their lives will still be full of love - from both their parents and grandparents. And if going full time allows a way for daddy to be happier then that's pretty important too.
You'll find what you're supposed to do. God will give you peace about it. He always has. Love you.....
I feel you, girl. totally.
I don't know if I can get away with saying girl...
La is right - you, dear friend, are a great, and I mean, Great, momma. Working none, part or full time will not change that. It will change the way you handle your motherly duties, but you'll handle it fantastically.
And, speaking from far too much experience in the working mom world, GOd will truly fill you with all the grace, stamina, strength and happiness to handle this time in your life, IF that's really where he wants you.
I have worked a very full time job for three years and while I have hated it more than once, I have felt very fulfilled and satisfied in this career. It is my calling - teaching. God handpicked this teaching position at glenn for me. He will do the same for you. Just pray and seek his will like I know you are already doing. When "it" happens, you'll be great. Whatever the circumstances.
I hope this makes sense. I am trying to type it in class and there are like a million questions being thrown at me by my 3rd period. Do they think I am the teacher or something? :)
Well, everything is falling into place so that you could work full-time next year. You need to pursue it, but that doesn't mean that you will be doing it next year. And if you are offered a position, you don't have to take it if your circumstances do not require it or if it's not at one of the good schools. With your grades and your qualifications, YOU have the upper hand in this job search. YOU are desirable and your reputation is good. You will still be desirable the following year or the year after that if you choose to wait.
Good Luck in your search.
As someone who wrestled with this decision for many years,and there is no easy answer, I just want to tell you that getting a job in an elementary school, where your children can go to school with you is a wonderful thing.
I may not have gotten to stay home when they were little, but I now have had the privilege to share 6 very important years with them at school. I would not trade that for anything. I got to see them interact with their peers and I even had the honor of teaching Hannah in class.
I would say that God more than paid me back for not being able to stay at home.
I now am at peace, because I got to see a part of my child's life that most people do not get to see. What a blessing it was.
Just a thought.
kimmie
I know you want to stay home, but you have been home alot longer than alot of mommies, and it won't be long before they would be in that school with you, if it's elementary that is. I know you will make the right choice. And you're one of the best mommies I know.
I haven't blogged in awhile and I forgot how much fun reading your musings is. I have been grinning and giggling for the last 10 minutes catching up on beautiful!
Thanks for the life!
I feel compelled to say something on this issue, but I'm having trouble finding the right words so that I don't step on anybody's toes. So, I'll just be blunt. You obviously don't want to take a full-time job, so why do it? Can you live on your current income? Maybe you'd have to give up something. Would it be worth it to be able to keep your "perfect" job and have those precious moments with your kids? Can you wait another year before going full-time? Ok, and on the flip-side: if you went to work full-time, it doesn't mean you have to always work full-time. Plenty of moms work full-time for a season and then come back home. But, your "perfect" job probably won't be waiting for you. So, my advice, hang on to the time with your kids and your "perfect" job as long as you can! If you wanted to work full-time and had a good feeling about it, it'd be a different story. Maybe, just maybe that "heaviness" in your spirit was the Holy Spirit saying, "this isn't right." I agree with Wendy. Pray. God gave us a free will. You are making a choice. I wouldn't do it if I prayed and didn't get peace about it.
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