When I found out I was going to be a mommy, I went from being super-independent straight back to my momma's breast.
Well, maybe it wasn't that bad, but still. I don't think I changed a diaper that I didn't first consult her about it. My mom filled the role of mother, nanny, doctor, pastor, best friend, and pretty much whatever else I needed. She's my hero. I was so very, very attached to her (and my dad) that I eventually stopped running to God when I needed something. I ran directly to my parents. How draining that must have been! It must have been like having a newborn all over again...
I was also completely dependent on my sister for female friendship.
I hung out with her as often as she would come over to my house, taking up as much of her social time as she would give me. I became demanding of her. I required her to call me everyday, because we were dating... hehehe But seriously, I gravitated to her so strongly that I saw no need for other friendships, save a few.
I then saw a need in my life for a mommy friend. A friend that also had children so my children could have friends. There was this incredible girl at church, but I had trust issues.
I finally broke down and let myself be myself around her, and she still called me.
I was shocked! And we became best mommy friends!
I had my perfect circle!
What had been broken through years of selfishness had been mended with my parents and my sister and brother.
I also had allowed myself to have one other friend outside my family.
I had really branched out!
I began to focus all my effort on my little family, and the exhausted few others that were a part of my life.
I got so attached to these precious few that God was not really a source for me anymore.
Although relationships with God's children are important, He still wanted to commune with ME!
About 3-4 months after my daughter was born, God moved my parents away from me. Not too far. Just far enough that I could not run to them for every little thing. I had to begin to put my trust in God. And to trust that I was capable of making a decision without first calling Momma.
A little over a year ago, my sister was called away from here so that she could become all the things that God has called her to be. Leaving me to make my own friends at church, not just being absorbed into her peer group. It also forced me to come out of my coma of untrust.
I had to trust God for people, trustworthy people, to enter my life. God had to draw her away so I could draw near to Him.
Now my best mommy friend is leaving.
I know that the road ahead of her is one filled with the stuff that most of us only dream about someday doing for God. Her plate has always been so beautifully full - and with a fourth dream-bucket on the way, it is sure to get more full!
I have really concentrated my friendship (and my numerous needs) in her direction this past year and she has been so gracious to bear it. But it was never her burden to bear, I need to learn to give it to God. And soon she will be gone - leaving me again to trust God...
Though it seems I'll never wise up, I am beginning to see the pattern here.
I am not saying that this is some grand scheme or scandal, but it does seem that every time I put too much of my emotional 'stock' into someone - they end up trading up and moving away.
I just hope that the friendships I am developing with so many of you, some who are moving and others who are staying put for a while - will help me not pour too many of my eggs into your basket - I want to put my eggs into God's basket.
I have repeatedly allowed myself to become too dependent on the people around me to fill God-sized shoes.
I am really trying to do better, and with your help, I will...
But for now, I just wish that everyone I am close to could stick around for a while... ;)
9 comments:
I have been there and done that and have not one but several t-shirts. I know the process you are going through. It took me several times around the bend to learn the lesson. That being said, don't let the enemy convince you that you can't rely on them, also.
But when you get filled up with the heavenly father as your best friend and truest confidant and constant companion, then and only then, can you come to the table with all of yourself. And your friendships will become so much fuller, brighter, and well just better.
I love you girl, you are such a bright spot in my life. You are a true blessing for me.You must know what a blessing you are to others. And as far as I know we are not going anywhere soon.
Remember God will never leave you friendless. He always adds to the blessing He has already placed in your life.
well I am here. and always here for you. I'm to the notion that God uses the people in our lives to fill His shoes, to be His hands, to be His arms. We are Christ to each other. He couldn't move in our lives with out people. See God in them and be God to them. That is what it's all about...Christ in us the hope of glory.
Now, look at you - Miss Popularity! I thought your blog was interesting. I've always believed that that WAS the purpose of friends. God designed us to need people in our lives. He never meant for us to go through all this alone. Not that friends should replace God, but they do fulfill certain needs in our lives.
Thank God for the internet!
It has really helped me keep some sort of sanity within my thick-headed self!
I can really relate. After being moved around 10 times in 14 yrs, I've had to "make friends fast & leave". It hasn't been pretty. I've found my self on the roller coaster of highs & lows. Surrounded by friends and then left all alone. If nothing else, it has taught me to be totally and completely dependent on God, and God alone. However, there have been times when I think I must have accidentally packed Him up in a box and misplaced him some where amongst the stacks! I think I may have even left Him on the moving truck once! lol
Hang in there. Even though people will continue to come & go throughout your life, God will always be with you. He's not going to "move" away. (He's good that way!) ;)
luv ya! - the other sister A
It really is a balance. I think it is true that God uses other people to minister to us. But depending on God and not the person is the key.
I'm probably the opposite of you. I have a hard time depending on others. It still goes back to trust though, and maybe worthiness.
I know God is moving you from glory to glory. He is an awesome God. As you focus in on him, he will make all of your relationships flourish. This due to the fact that he will shine His love through you.
Sounds like God is teaching you something. Remember, He puts people in our lives for a season to be his hands extended. They are there for us to lean on and learn from and for them to lean on and learn from us.
you are so insightful. i love it. and i love you.
You are precious to me! AND I'm here for the duration! Next move will be to Jesus - either He comes or I go.....tired of movin'...
I completely understand you! First my sister in law left then, some of our other really close friends left, my in laws are just about gone, another set of friends left and now our same mommy friend is leaving. I am beginning to think my deoderant is not strong enough or something. Deep down I know it is God as well. Love ya!
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