Here's to kicking a bad habit...

This post is for me. You can read it. Just remember, before you get all upset, I told you it was for me.

It's coming up on the one year mark of an important maturation milestone in my life.
It was in mid August of last year that I made a painful decision to let it all go.

In truth, the decision itself wasn't too painful, that was the easy part. It was arriving at the place where everything had come to an ugly head and had to be acknowledged and put to pasture that made it so painful, but I digress...

I was nearly 30 years old and still found myself completely encapsulated by your opinion of me. I allowed it to define me, govern me, ridicule me.

Do you know how hard it is to get inside other people's minds and make assumptions about what they must be thinking and then allow that be what summarizes your relationship with them?
Complicated doesn't come close...

So I let it go. I figured, 'Why try, in vain, to complete this vicious cycle? I have already read this book and the ending never changes.'

Seriously, you didn't even know you were thinking these heinous things about me, did you? :)

If you did know that you were thinking poorly of me, save it, because I am free of that now.
(The silliness of this post isn't beyond me, I get it - I do.)

But this is a depiction of the prison that was my mind.
And now, it's not.
I hate to create the impression that I have stopped trying altogether.
I care deeply about my relationships. I have friendships that date back to early elementary that are fine and dandy. I still care, but I care on a different level. One that doesn't destroy me when people are people. I no longer meddle and mangle and labor for friendships.

The friendships that have survived - simply put - have survived.
Those that are now distant, are distant.
I have not changed in my capacity to be a friend, to have a friend, to opt out of unhealthy friendships, or to buy into fruitful ones.

AND, what's more is that none of it makes me a failure. None of it makes me.
It is nice to be free from the self-imposed dronings of drama. Life is nicer.

I am one year clean. One year more independent. One year closer to the person I have always wanted to be.

See? I told you that you weren't interested.