Chapters

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the chapters in our lives.

In the last year, I have seen a lot of friends' chapters close and begin anew.

Some friends had real page-turners! Exciting stuff happening so quickly, you couldn't put the book down between chapters for fear of missing something. And you were always so happy to get filled in on all the great news and things that were happening for them.

Other friends were living War and Peace. A laborious read with few chapters that offered resolution. Even flipping through their book for highlights was discouraging at times. But in the end, you just knew that things were going to turn out for them. And you were so glad for them when things turned out well and their struggles finally ended.

I, for one, am really glad this chapter in my life is ending. This past summer has been one encapsulated by hurt and disappointment. Just when I thought one injury was healed, another one would stealthily slip in to take its place. Over and over and over.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of a new chapter. The start of a new school year - albeit not the one I was expecting - a fresh start nonetheless.

There are still things that lie in a state of unrest. Not really put to bed or brought to complete closure, but I have decided to be content.
It is not important for me to understand why things unravelled the way they did.
It is only important for me to take the ownership that was mine in each situation, ruminate on it to learn whatever I can, and then to bury it in good soil.

I'll fix my eyes on the things I can do today to make a difference in the situation I find myself in.
The situation God put me in for reasons that have yet to be revealed, ever looking for the harvest.

Perhaps one reason is that my kids still need me. Or that I still need them. Perhaps it's not a question of whether I had heard God, but more that my timing was not in sync with His.
Maybe this whole chapter in my life was to teach me where it is safe to place my trust, only in Him. Only ever in Him.
Or maybe there isn't any ultra-spiritual spin on any of it.
Maybe, just maybe, it happened.

Whatever the answer to life's quandaries, I'd like to say I feel stronger, somehow better because of it all, but I can't even honestly say that yet.

Keep reading. I would love for that to be the end of the next chapter.