The parent trap.

What to do?
I must have spoken too soon about the smooth transition into summer for my son. It has been quite the dramatic week.
I feel like I have put more effort into that kiddo than everything else I have ever been a part of - combined. I wonder if there's any way that I can raise him without ruining him.

He's unique and wonderful and exactly the kid I would have ordered from a catalog - but still gives me a pretty good run for my money. Every single day.

I guess with the perpetual nature of motherhood in the summertime and the way I am so careful to plan out our day to keep him (them) entertained, I get pretty exhausted by his fit-throwing, general lack of gratitude, mistreating little sister, refusal to go to bed, going to battle over silly things before you even realize that you've gone to battle, refusal to eat what is presented at mealtime, emotional meltdowns, incessant begging to eat candy/Popsicles/fruit snacks, unsolicited rages, it goes on and on...
You know, just the run of the mill "Man, that kid really needs a reality check" stuff (read: spanking).

He's a lot of really wonderful things, although a touch unrefined at 5 years of age.

I love him.

So tomorrow I will lose the defeated attitude and launch headlong into another day trying my darndest to raise that kid. And someday, when I do accomplish that booger-bear of a task, I'll look back with fond and loving thoughts and smirk at him with an all-too-knowing glance as he embarks on the lifelong chore of parenthood himself.

Would it be wrong for me to gain even an ounce of pleasure if his offspring proves to be as challenging as him?

I think not, because along with that challenging child will come a host of other treasured memories that can only come from the day-to-day, moment-by-moment raising of a child as 'spicy' as my little J.

I would not trade all the 'spice in my life' for a moment's peace if it meant I had to live life without him.
Being his parent has been nothing like what I thought parenting would be like.
Nothing.
I have become 10 times the person I was prior because of the way we have stretched and learned to love one another and live together.

He, in his five short years, has taught me more about love and commitment than any other sole influence in my lifetime.
Still, most days I feel like I have failed him.
I am never prepared for what impossible situation will be presented next - and consequently, I don't initially respond in the textbook parent manner.
There's a whole bunch of trial-and-error, mingled with good intentions and lots of love in my parenting style. I bet it looks more like a comedy of errors from the outside looking in,
but we haven't stopped trying our hardest to get it right.

'Tomorrow is a new day - with no mistakes in it.'

I say that to him often as I tuck him in at night. Then I close the door to his bedroom and I say it all over again to myself.
He and I will get it right one of these days...