living in the moment

plans.
lofty plans.
we make them.
we break them.
we are governed by them.

today, i had plans.
i planned to finally paint our master bedroom in a cohesive way (unlike the 5 random color splotches that now adorn our bedroom walls.)
i was readying the room and setting up things to paint and i walked out of my room and saw something that compelled me to change my plans.

candles lit on the dining room table.
two plates sitting there piled high with freshly grilled steak.
two wine glasses.
and a smiling hunk who orchestrated the whole thing.

in all my life, i have never been afforded this single, most romantic gesture of a candle-lit dinner.
it wasn't spectacular, but it was very 'us' and that made it unforgettable!
the fare? steak and, well, steak. how cute!
the company? the man with whom i have made vows and continue to love through trial and triumph.

today, however, was not a day of triumph.
today was hard - harder than i realized it would be when i woke up this morning.

ever once in a great, great while we are reminded of how fleeting life can be.
how very crucial our every breath is.
today was one of those days.

as we sat there half-mourning the losses of the day and half-pondering our tremendous blessings, one of our biggest blessings walked into the dining room in a rare after-bedtime showing.

it was our son. he was thirsty. i had put him to bed over a hour before. instead of my normal, hard core stance toward waking up after bedtime, i was soft. i fixed him up with a plate of steak and a glass of milk.

we sat there and enjoyed each other's company. no. we savored each other's company.
we truly appreciated each other. loved each other.

a moment or two later, like magic, one of our other biggest blessings joined us for our first ever romantic candle-lit dinner. she woke up groggy, but ready to partake in the late night 'date' we were having.

we sat there as a family, engaged in some of the most important moments we've ever exchanged. my husband and i were so keenly aware of the gift of each moment we have been given.

sometimes tragedies can evoke real substance from a person. when you are forced into a moment of reckoning and you, for the first time in great, great while, learn to appreciate through different, wiser eyes how much you have, you learn what you value and what is important.

tonight was one of those nights.

thanks hunny for the wonderful dinner, for our life together, and for our beautiful children.
we have been blessed beyond measure.
i am so grateful that you are in my life. i know God put us together for a terrific purpose and as each day unravels, i am blessed to share it with you.

i am sorry for the trials you now endure. i wish more than anything that i could make sense out of it for you. for some reason, it is. the best i can do is to help you through it. you are my love, the one given by God and with His help, i will help you. even through times like these.
love, a.