Tonight, I have been studying and studying for this ExCet that will occur on Wednesday.
I have made lesson plans for whoever takes my classes.
I have made arrangements for my kids' care and bought foods to accommodate their meal needs while I travel to take the test.
I have taken 3 practice tests.
I have failed two of the 3 practice tests.
I am having nightmares about being stupid and unfit to teach and all of the related thoughts that pop into your mind when, for some reason, you fail a multiple choice practice test 2 out of 3 times...
Lord, please don't let this be a wasted day off and $120 completely for naught.
I will admit that I have not done all the studying I should have done - but who could? Between working, laundry, holidays, cooking meals, paying bills, child rearing, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, entertaining house guests, etc. I have been completely and totally swamped.
I have studied some though. And 'some' has always been enough in my educational past...
We'll see.
La had baby Joshua.
crys is going to have Casen on Wed.
I think I might feel like I have given birth to a 6-year old after I get these tests over with. That's how long I have put them off - 6 years!!
I have learned a few things about myself over this whole saga:
- Stress makes me mean.
- A dirty/cluttered house makes me stressed.
- I medicate my stress-induced meanness by cultivating a costly ebay addiction with a particular interest in pretty little girl clothes and hairbows...
- I will conjure up almost any reason I can think of to procrastinate studying. I will: try out different colors of paint in my bedroom, organize sock drawers, scrub grout lines with a toothbrush, be unusually taken with construction paper and glitter glue for long periods of time, read a stack of 15 books to my kids at bedtime, postpone bedtime for upwards of 30 minutes just because (yeah, I know - craaazy).
Literally anything that can keep my mind off this albatross is whatever I'll focus on. This ridiculousness needs to be over.
Peace. The peace only God gives. That's what I need. And a passing score. And a job. And...
Peace.
4 comments:
God bless you, Beautiful.
...and let's not forget your other "demanding" job of shipping Julios to Alycia... *wink* ;)
this too, shall pass - like a kidney stone! lol lol
as for the rest of stress, take it to Phi 4:6-7. I have CLUNG to this scripture this week!!!!
helpful inside things to remember: anxious - self centered, counterproductive worry.
thanksgiving - the antidote to worry (along with prayer & petition).
peace of God - an inner tranquility based on the peace WITH God.
guard...heart...minds - God's "protective custody" of those who are in Christ extends to the core of their beings & to their deepest intentions.
I wish I could say that I got these "insights" from God himself, but I didn't. I just looked in the footnotes of my Bible. ;) gotta luv 'em!
Hang in there! I've got ya in my prayers! And you'll do fine on the test.
What time on Wed? I'll be praying for you. We had prayer at 2:00 on Fri for our 12 year old grandson who had a science test (hard one at that) during that time. He just sent me e-mail saying he made 101, the highest grade in the class. You serve the same God. I'll be praying for you on Wed! Where do you go? Love you much!
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