bleh.

I told you in the title what this post is about so be forewarned.

I am so frustrated.
It seems that every time things are really getting revved up with me spiritually and I really feel like I could reach out and touch the heart of God I'm so near to Him, something happens.
Something rolls up and rear-ends or sideswipes me.
It isn't the fact that there are things that come up that bothers me.
I know Satan goes around seeking whom he may devour, I even expect the war to be waged.
What bothers me is that I know that something is likely coming down the hatch, there have been times, like this one, that God even prepares me for what is coming - and even with all this knowledge I still get knocked off course.
I want to stay the course.
I don't want to be unstable.
Everything in me wants to experience a day in the life without the roller coaster ride. I want a steady stream of God.
God's love never changes. His schedule never gets too crowded to squeeze me in.
My schedule is so packed that I can't squeeze me in. I am the reason for the ups and downs, not Him.
But lately, I'm not gonna lie, God has been sharing time with me in the shower and during car rides. Ha! Car rides with 2 pre-schoolers...
He patiently and persistently waits for that moment that we can steal away together.
It bothers me that He's the most important thing going on in my life right now and silly things like cars that won't start, and sickness, and sleep deprivation, and lesson plans, and grocery shopping, bill paying, house cleaning, are all getting in the way of that.

My children are watching my relationship with my heavenly Father.
My husband is watching too.
There is nothing that is paramount to them seeing me love God. And to really, really worship Him. And for me to lead a life that glorifies and edifies and is real beyond any doubt.

But I'm so overwhelmed.
I've been knocked off course.
Life has overtaken me.
I want to take it back.
I'm going to bed early tonight.
I'm going to wake up early tomorrow.
I have a date with my Maker.
(No, not THAT date.)
We're going to enjoy one another.
Me, God, and my cup of jo on the back porch tomorrow morning.
Maybe I'll find that path I had been on.
I was created to worship.
I want to be whole-hearted and clear-minded before the King, giving Him the best of me.
Morning breath and all.