Navel gazing.

Hi, This is me.
I have a crick in my neck.
The reason I have a crick in my neck is because I have been craning it so that I could gaze directly into my own belly button.
I have spent too much time worshipping my problems.
They are not unique. They are not even interesting.
So this is me, coming up for air.

I would love to tell you that tomorrow, I will be freed from the chains of selfishness, of self-interest to the exclusion of others.
Navel gazing.
But this ugly habit has attached itself to me and it's grip is strong. I have been so blinded to what has been going on elsewhere, the world outside my own 4 walls - to the point that I have become unavailable to the people I care about most. Even my own children.

I never wanted to become so self-involved. I think it's just the kind of thing that happens over time. You go to war with whatever you're warring with. You suit up. Engage yourself, and after a while you've forgotten what the fight is for... Your eyes have long since become glazed. You're just fighting, but why?

Something pretty cool has happened in my life, I started letting God fight my battles for me.
It's nice to think that because God said He'd fight the battle for me I have acquired some free-time.
So here's to the new me, the self-effacing one. The one who genuinely wants to know how she can help you. How she can resist the urge to focus her gaze inwardly, and be available to someone else for a change...