My babies.

My babies are not babies anymore.
I just peeked into their rooms at their teensy bodies in their beds.
Their teensy bodies are not teensy.
They are not even small by any definition.
They are 'whole bed taking' bodies.

I stood there in the doorway.
Silent. Eyes filled with tears.

As absolutely eager as I am about the days that lie ahead for them, I am equally as forlorn about the days that are no more.

When my kids were really small, I was never confident about mothering.
All I knew was I loved them and I wanted everything for them, but the whole 'nurturing' thing did not come naturally for me.

When I was a little girl, I didn't rock baby dolls in rocking chairs. I tracked down ants, climbed trees, and perfected my long jump.
I never had a nurturing thought.
I remember my daddy asked me once, "What are you gonna be when you grow up?"
I told him, "I don't want kids. I wanna be a successful attorney."
I think I was 8 or 9 at the time.

I never knew how opposite my life would turn out when compared with those "aspirations."
I am so glad I was wrong about what I thought I wanted.

Not even when I was pregnant with J, did I fully understand all the implications of motherhood.
I still don't.
I learn more about myself everyday through my children.
I don't think there's any way I have taught them as much as they have taught me.

I love everything about being a mom.
I love their personalities. Huge blossoming personalities.
I love swishing bubbles in the bathtub for them and seeing the way their eyes light up when the tub is heaping with bubbles.
I love it when they eat something new and love it.
(I made pot stickers for dinner last night. I thought J. would burst from eating pot stickers! He also learned how to eat with chopsticks! There is no adequate way to describe how cute that was...)
I love kissing boo-boo's.
I love brushing hair. Sweet, wavy golden brown hair.
I love smelling them.
Even dirty, stinky boys have a smell that is oh! so sweet when they belong to you.
But girls! Oh my! Girls smell like soft, squishy sweetness all the time.

I love their honest satisfaction over a job well done.
We carved pumpkins tonight. They did a really great job. I didn't notice any flaws in their work and neither did they. Their pumpkins were perfect! And that is the way they will always remember this night... It was perfect! In a moment of pure glee, J. was sawing away at that pumpkin and said, "This is better than any dream I ever had!" All I could think was, 'Me too, son, me too...'

Truly, being able to share those moments with my children is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.
Moments like those take the sting out of fits thrown in public.
They make wild and unruly behavior seem less so.
Those moments turn an ordinary day into something extraordinary.

So as I look at their 'larger than I realized' bodies snugly curled up in their beds, I can weep gentle tears.
I do miss so many things about their baby hood,
but I really haven't missed that much at all.
I have so much today because of them. So many wonderful memories.
I am today so much more myself, because of them.
I see, in them, everything in life that I ever hoped to become - and I am overjoyed.

___s and _____?

I am finished being mysterious about the Halloween costumes.
I had this perfect idea.
Well, perfect for a preschool teacher...
We HAVE to dress up for Halloween.
There is nothing in the form of adult women's costume that doesn't need a garter belt and fishnets as accessories. So trashy. All of them.
So the last couple of years, I have made my costume.
This year, my costume really only made sense with a willing accomplice.
My accomplice is half-bent over a washing machine this week, cleaning puddles of puke off the floor - poor, poor Meems.

So here it is,
I am egg.
? is Bacon.

I made a fried egg outfit, sunny side up.
And I have 2 slices of bacon for whoever feels the need.
Of course, I have no shame - I will be an egg regardless of whether or not anyone is the bacon.
But you all know, bacon and eggs are best when served together.

Bummer.

This is apparently not the first post I have titled "bummer."
It popped up on my auto fill - just a tasty tidbit.

The 'bummer' is that half of my costume will be "missing in action" tomorrow night.
I am sorry that meems' babies have the yucks.
I hate it when that happens.
I really think that we should be allowed to diagnose and write prescriptions for our kids, just to keep them from having to go to the dr.'s office and get a new and more awful bug.

Is there anyone out there, roughly the size of an adult medium T-shirt, that does not already have a costume?
If you want to lose all dignity, and meet the above criteria: please comment here.

I hope to find a new partner in crime.

That's funny.

I just wrote and posted a blog entry that was not really appropriate to speak of in front of just anyone. Particularly if you know of readers that are male...
Oh man!
I am embarrassed!
I am so sorry if you were a guy and you read that.
Otherwise, it was pretty harmless but you'll be left in suspense due to the sensitive nature of the content.

Zappo.

I caught my hunny using his little girl's strawberry shortcake lip gloss.
I guess that's the funniest thing ever.
Not only the fact that he uses it, but also the fact that he denied doing it.
So that means he's too tough to use it.
Which makes me laugh, because he DID use it.

I totally sold him out, didn't I?

Halloween garb for mommas.

I bet you're all wondering what I am going to be for Halloween.
Well, you'll have to wait.
Meems and I are gathering our resources.
We will be a team, so to speak.
You are going to love it!
And you will say, "Wow, they really have no shame..."
Get to imagining - you'll never guess...

Phil Wickham.

Seldom have I found an artist who can capture in words and music my thoughts and feelings of worship for my Creator. I just wanted to share some of this music with you guys. I have been enjoying it secretly for a few weeks. I love, love this cd.

Rotten Meat, Part 2.

So I returned the meat.
I have never returned rotten meat before.
I guess I never thought of it.
______________________________
I got to the return desk.
The lady asked no questions.
She just nodded and scanned and gave me my money back.
I asked her, "Does this happen a lot?"
She said, "yeah, a lot of our meat is rotten. You should go to HEB. They have good meat there."
The girl next to her, her supervisor, said, "Yeah, I don't buy my meat here."
I said, "Thanks for the tip."
I turned away. Speechless.

blessings.

For the first time in my life that I can recall, I have a group of Godly friends.
They hold me up. They help me out.
They are genuine. They are God-fearing women.
Some are mothers. Some are Grandmothers. Some are waiting...
I love you all. I love you differently.
I am thankful for your presence in my life.
Some of our friendships are tried and true.
Some of our friendships are fresh and new.
I trust.
I laugh.
I adore.
I imitate.
I admire.
I appreciate.
All of you.
I am so thankful for you all.
Thank you, God, for friends.

A special thanks for meems on her birthday.
You make 22 look amazing!
*wink* I won't tell if you don't - we are the same age, after all...
Happy, happy day!!!

rosa's

I was glad to see you ladies at rosa's tonight.
Next time, I'll get a sitter.
:)