Hearing Aids

I really want to get to that place of hearing God's voice where He no longer has to establish roadblock after roadblock to keep me where I'm supposed to be, but only has to say, "Go here" and I follow.

I feel like a little toddler cruising around trying to get up the forbidden staircase or touch a hot stove, and He must be continually preventing me from it.
I don't want to be a toddler anymore.
I want to know that I know God wants me here, doing what He wants me to do, and content to do it.

Growth and maturity. Trust and obedience. The same concepts I endeavor day after day to impart to my children, yet still at nearly 26 years into my Christian walk, I struggle with the same things.

How much patience God has with me!

Saturday.

I think there should be a special name for the first Saturday after you start back to work:
Maybe 'Ahhhhhhhhhh....-day.'
Maybe 'Scrub-your-knuckles-off-day'
Maybe 'Shamelessly-drink-an-entire-pot-of-coffee-while-still-wearing-yesterday's-mascara-day'
On second thought, maybe Saturday says it all.

Secrets

My mom asked Jaron what he was going to learn in Kindergarten.

He said, "I'm gonna learn to read and do math. I'm not gonna learn how to spell though because then Mommy and Daddy couldn't have any secrets."

A few first day shots

A day to remember

I woke them up at 7am, hoping to give them the most sleep possible.
They wanted Lego Eggo Waffles and Milk. (Woohoo! Easy!)

They got dressed and watched a few minutes of cartoons while I scurried around getting everything out to the van. Jaron said he was 'too old' for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - his favorite morning show last year.

I took pictures.
We went to school.
There were no tears.
Everyone had a great day.
It was so normal - more so than I anticipated.
Then it was over.

Thoughts about the day:

My kids have begun and perfected this habit of NEVER LOOKING AT THE CAMERA the moment the shot is snapped. (Partly because my camera is super old and slow and cheap and it flashes about 3 times before 'the real moment' happens; partly because they are being honery and don't actually want me to get a good picture...)

I feel blessed to have 2 kids who are still at the age where they say cute things and still have a teensy bit of squishiness on their elbows. That is the true mark of a baby. Squishy elbows.

They are beginning to act differently - more grown up. We are just beginning to deal with more 'Big Kid' issues. And I see them more and more as big kids interested in bigger kid things and labelling things that have framed so much of our lives for so long now as "babyish."

I do love to see their development. I do.

I also miss that baby love. There really is nothing so sweet as the breath of a baby on your chest while you sleep. Or the tender, trusting looks that without words tell you that 'you can do no wrong' in their eyes.

I begin to wonder how many more times my kids will ask me to hold them. How many more times will I have them appear in my bed at night? How many more times will I have the gift of bathing them?

Their basic needs that once seemed to consume my world are slipping away from my list of daily duties as they gain their independence. I am at once relieved and remorseful. I never realized how much I needed them to need me.

Gone are the days of strollers, cutting up their food, and dressing them in outfits I chose for them.

They are now - all too suddenly - little people with vivid imaginations, strong opinions, and sweaty armpits. Tears.

How Odd!

Is it not ironic that today (the first day of school) I had two messages on my answering machine when I got home?
The messages all by themselves are not odd, I wasn't home so it's only natural... :) It's who the messages were from and what their context involved.
They were from two different school districts - neither within a stone's throw - asking if I would set up an interview for a choir director position.

"WHAT!?!?!?!?! Seriously? Now? Are you kidding me?" (That was my internal dialogue as I listened to the messages.)

I am so glad to be standing on solid ground with my Redeemer because, honestly, everything would be so confusing right now if it weren't for HIM.

On a happier note:

We had a great first day at school! I will take time this evening to download pics and tell stories about Jaron's first day at Kindergarten and Avery's first day of preschool as I am sure you're aching to read about it!

Family Reunion

I forgot to mention that we were headed to my hunny's hometown or a family reunion.

We were there for several days, in what I might normally call a time warp.
We had fun. I met lots of family. More than I could have ever imagined. So many people in my husband's family...
Who would have thought I would ever be at a 'Subia' family reunion??

The kids had a blast! That was their first family reunion. There was a dance. Also a first for them. They were so cute shaking their little booties to the tejano music!

Anyway, we're back.
It was a good time, but it's always good to be home.

BINGO!

Today, twice in one day, I got very good news.
I certainly wasn't on pins and needles to hear this particular news, maybe that's why it was such a lift.

One: Our insurance made good on their portion of our ER Dr. bill. Alleviating our outstanding debt of $300. Nice. This amount has been under deliberation for 9 months now and I am quite relieved to be on the winning end of that deal.

Two: The crusty, barely adequate dishwasher that we inherited when we bought our house was recalled. As long as that dishwasher worked, I knew I would never get another one. Mostly because dishwashers aren't really a necessity, but a luxury - so I de-scaled it, and kept using it, secretly hoping it would get secretly replaced with secret extra money. Yeah right!
Today in the mail, we received notice that it has been deemed a fire hazard - Go figure!
We will receive a check in the mail to compensate us toward the purchase of a new dishwasher!!
I went to our local scratch and dent appliance place with my mom today and found one that will neither set our house on fire, nor growl and churn for hours while cleaning the dishes. Sara_smiles' daddy owns that store and you should go there first if you ever find yourself needing a new appliance - he will hook you up!