Just a venting.

I sometimes find myself trying to get blood from the proverbial turnip - just to make sure the world keeps right on turning - because of course if I didn't keep the world spinning, who would?
I don't know why I worry so.
One might be inclined to think that I was not fully aware of He Who holds my tomorrows.
I am keenly aware.
I just worry that I will be found not doing my part. So I try and try with all my might to make things happen. Sometimes in vain. Sometimes unnecessarily.
I would hate to think that I could have done something better or differently after all the effort that goes into each day.
I feel that I am stretching to near my breaking point - and then I get upset because I have a breaking point.

Blessings.

They come in all shapes and sizes. Every new door and turned corner presents itself ripe for another blessing.
Some fall into your lap - some require elbow grease.
I am a believer in blessings. I have learned to expect them when you least expect them and to count on one when you need it most.
I am learning to decipher through the layers of a thing and see the blessing hidden within.
It seems that wherever I go nowadays - blessings follow suit.
I don't think that I am being blessed more than in the past - I think I am beginning to notice God's blessings more.
It's a refreshing thing to live your life in a state of thankfulness.

Murphy's Law.

I would like to take a moment to rename Murphy's Law.
It will hereforth be called "Angie's Law."
Thank You.

Mr. Nice Guy

J's birthday is coming up. Number 5.
I asked him to be thinking about what types of things he might like to receive as gifts.
He told me right away that he only wanted one little thing.
I said, "Only one thing?"
He answered, "Yes. I only want a 'chicken pocker.' I want to shoot A. with it and give her the chicken pox."
What a sweet little boy!

;)

HAHAHA!

Little A. was going potty when I heard her ask me to come help her wipe.
I went and when I got there, she chuckled while inspecting her work.
She said, "Look. That's polka dot poop."
I looked in the potty and sure enough - polka dots!

Imagine goat poo...
I thought about taking a picture but there are some boundaries I do respect.

tired.

There's so much day left at the end of my steam.

And the Rays of Hope Gleam Brighter.

Irons in the fire.
We all have them. Hoping for that day when all the ducks stand in a row and your perfect little world gets a little more perfect.

The happenings of this day might not stand out as a huge answer to prayer to everybody. But to me, it is the very type of thing that confirms my prayers and desires are being heard and there is Someone standing in my corner.

I was offered a job. A job that can be added to my current job at the same location.
Not teaching group piano. Starting tomorrow, I am the Music Teacher/Interim Janitor at our school.
I made it known that once the current cleaning lady got (ahem) 'let go' I might be interested in filling in. I will do it for the remainder of the school year and through the summer.
That will work just fine.
I will smell like bleach and I will be exhausted every day - but I am not scared to work.
And it is something I can do with my kids. And I think I can do it well - and that matters to me.

So I feel that it is settled.
God stands in my corner. He has heard and acknowledged the need. He has extended options that work with my family. And I have been blessed.
Thank You Lord, for my janitor job!

(I think I can put THAT down on the list of things I never thought I'd say.)

The Knothead Kid and The Knucklehead Mom.

My son.
What am I going to do with him?
All day yesterday he had a headache to end all headaches.
When your 4-year old son, who has no reason to conjure grand schemes for calling in sick, has a headache - one is inspired to action.
Several times yesterday he complained and even gripped his head between his hands like a football while moaning. Poor baby!
I could tell how badly he hurt. A little while later (still mid-afternoon) he fell asleep while playing outside and was difficult to wake. He fell asleep again only minutes later and slept for the rest of the afternoon. I had to really work to wake him up and he woke crying, grimacing from the pain.
He said he felt like he needed to puke, so we perched by the toilet.
He was so nauseous, but had no tangible symptoms at that point.
Moments later, roughly 3 seconds after a dose of Ibuprofen, he vomited. Awful.
I put him to bed and began to revisit the course of our day and compiled his various symptoms in my mind.
I got sub plans ready for school and then I went into his room to check on him.
He whimpered while he slept.
I woke him and he cried.
I had to ask him a question to confirm my suspicion.
"Baby, did you hit your head today?"
Crying, "Uh-huh. Harder than I ever have in my life."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I thought you would make me stop playing."

Enter WebMD. A great little site where you can type in your symptoms and they tell you that you're probably going to die.
Possible diagnoses: Meningitis or head trauma resulting in a brain bleed.
Nice.

Guess who was the pediatrician on-call last night at the local hospital.
No one.

Guess who stupid ol' me had to be reminded to make my petition.
The Great Physician.
Why does that seem to be my "When all else fails..." scenario?
I definitely should work on that.

Trust is so hard for me where my children are involved. As mother to a very vivacious son, I have always worried that I would somehow end up ruining him.

There is so much margin for error in parenting and whatever margin remains is filled to overflowing with the unpredictable.

After praying big faith-mingled-with-fear and tearful prayers, I scooped him up into my arms and took him to sleep by my side - where I proceeded to watch him breathe and wake him periodically throughout the wee hours.

Today he seemed fine. I put a call into the Doctor's office and his nurse concurred that it was very likely head trauma, but if things improved, there was little cause for concern.
And they did improve.

And I am still a weakling when it comes to believing in God's great big arms, that can stretch all the way to my house and mend my children when they have been broken.

Thank You, God for your patience that exceeds reason. The Potter's Wheel keeps right on spinning and spinning as He sculpts this mother's heart, making the really weak spots stronger and the lumpy spots smooth. What Divine patience He shows for this knucklehead!

A Ray of Hope.

I have been budgeting. And re-budgeting.
I have scribbled out innumerable budgets on scratch paper trying to make this work.
I feel like we have made every reasonable sacrifice. Our only debt is our mortgage, the rest is just bare bones living expenses. Although I am certain that Dewey Hafta Academy could teach me some budget-stretchers. She's the queen, ya know!

As I have seen it, there is only one thing left to do.
(Is it possible to increase your out-flow of money while maintaining your income and end up with enough in the end?)
There is only one way, my friends, and THAT sentence is always interjected with a phrase like 'BUT GOD' or 'Then came manna from Heaven.'
I do believe that there is reason for hope yet. One that may indeed keep me from having to take steps toward full-time employment, at least until both of my children are in grade school.

It was presented to me in a staff meeting last week.
Some of the parents on our school board have requested that I give group piano lessons. The lessons would occur during the time I already spend at work, but I would get paid for the lessons in addition to my regular salary. Increasing my salary to 150% of what it is this school year.
And because I would already be at work during the time the lessons occur, my childcare will also be included at no cost to me.

WHAT?
Uhhhh..... sure. What's the catch?

Anyway, I will follow this one as far as it takes me. Maybe we can make it work this way for one more year.
Either way, I know that God is good and our needs will be met. On that, I can rest.

The long weekend.

I looked forward to this weekend since right after spring break - isn't that what we all do?
I had all these ideas of what the weekend would hold.
Never, in any plans, did I intend on spending it cooped up in my house with sick kids.

By Saturday morning, the kids were feeling a ton better. But mommy really only felt ok enough to get out of bed and do a smidge of house work. We did venture out for McDonald's. I decided it was worth getting out to avoid cooking. I think I am hearing 'amens' from every corner.

So the antibiotics are working. I feel good enough this evening to entertain the thought of going back to work tomorrow.

And then all I have to do is long for the end of the school year. 5 more weeks!

By the way, if you can avoid such a thing - strep throat would definitely be on the short list of things to avoid.