unofficial.

I received THE "unofficial" Scores back today.
I "unofficially" passed.
I am unofficially relieved.

Wednesday holds the other half of the exam.
We shall see...

ExCet.

I have been torn about whether or not to report my 'gut feeling' about the exam.
What if I go all 'arrogant' and say I aced it and find out later that I really didn't?
I don't want to pop off and say I passed - only to find out that there's perhaps no one who has ever scored quite so low...

I did feel good about it though.

So for the next couple of weeks, ignorance will continue to rule my thoughts about the exam.
I will be blissfully hopeful.
But if at any point during the next few weeks you catch me playing my Air Guitar or doin' the Roger Rabbit - you will know that I have received good news.

Next week, I will take the second portion of my cert. exam.

I don't know why I have always been the kid who sat up all night before the first day of school.
Literally making myself sick over what would happen the next day. Counting pencils. Rustling through notebooks. Academia defined me. I was the third child. I needed to have 'my thing.' I guess school was my thing. Now that I have been out of school for so long, I am not accustomed to the whole, Pass/Fail thing. It makes me anxious.

It would seem like everything that comes up that is somehow outside of my regular pattern of life makes me crazy for a little while. Heartburn, acne, insomnia, nightmares, heart palpitations, nail biting - I have an absolute adverse physical reaction to stress.
Anxiety. To some people it's just a word. It would seem to me, it's a self-made prison.

Peace. An elixir from heaven. Just can't say enough about it!
Need some Anxiety Elixir to cool my jets!

The Real Question.

So when a person gets bad about updating their blog:
Is it because there is nothing to say, or because there is too much to say?

I still cannot manage to answer that question.

A hundred times a day I think to myself, "I should put that on my blog."
And I truly intend to.

Then after 40 kagillion things have happened and I finally get the kids to bed, I sit down at the laptop, get all 'geared up,' and I can think of nothing. NOTHING.

My brain is completely numb. All personality has been drained from me. All I can think of is Nothing.

So I am sorry for the absolute boredom that has been My Blog lately.
I will try to think of something worthwhile to say.
Until then, you must endure what is left of me at the end of the day.
You guessed it. Nada.

A beautiful release.

Did you ever just look at someone you love and a rush of emotions overcomes you? I mean takes you over completely without even so much as asking permission?

I was zooming through the day, taking care of all that necessary but never-ending 'mom' stuff, and I peeked in on the most beautiful thing.
I wasn't looking for something beautiful - or a reason to gasp in awe-filled wonder.
I wasn't in the most (ahem) grateful mood.
I admittedly haven't been floating around in a cloud of spiritual peace and worship.

But I turned the corner, and what I saw, or rather, what nailed me between the eyes as I stared, breathless, at this perfection, was an infusion of something more tangible than emotion.

I was so overcome with the apparent bestowal of gifts from God in my life. Blessings were suddenly all around me.
I wept. Huge, effortless tears.
I knelt to the floor and held two of my blessings. Each one paused for a moment and let me cradle their growing bodies in my lap as I uttered a prayer of life-giving praise to God for them and the privilege of raising them.
Their sweet, innocent eyes looked my way as I tenderly pushed back their hair to kiss them. Such intense, yet pure love for them poured out.
God has been so good to me.
Each breath I'm given is worthy of my highest praise, but to add to the growing abundance He has poured into my lap, two truly amazing children with which I am charged to teach, and love, and raise to adore Him.

Needless to say, my otherwise mundane, effort-filled, never-ending day took on a whole different feel after that one pristine moment of thankfulness and praise to God.

*sigh* Yes, those moments that take our breath away are what it's all about.

who can title this post?

Chris's first day back to work after vacation was today. 6am-9pm. A poignant reminder of our situation. I will leave it at that.

Tonight, I have been studying and studying for this ExCet that will occur on Wednesday.
I have made lesson plans for whoever takes my classes.
I have made arrangements for my kids' care and bought foods to accommodate their meal needs while I travel to take the test.

I have taken 3 practice tests.
I have failed two of the 3 practice tests.
I am having nightmares about being stupid and unfit to teach and all of the related thoughts that pop into your mind when, for some reason, you fail a multiple choice practice test 2 out of 3 times...
Lord, please don't let this be a wasted day off and $120 completely for naught.

I will admit that I have not done all the studying I should have done - but who could? Between working, laundry, holidays, cooking meals, paying bills, child rearing, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, entertaining house guests, etc. I have been completely and totally swamped.

I have studied some though. And 'some' has always been enough in my educational past...
We'll see.

La had baby Joshua.
crys is going to have Casen on Wed.

I think I might feel like I have given birth to a 6-year old after I get these tests over with. That's how long I have put them off - 6 years!!

I have learned a few things about myself over this whole saga:

1. Stress makes me mean.
2. A dirty/cluttered house makes me stressed.
3. I medicate my stress-induced meanness by cultivating a costly ebay addiction with a particular interest in pretty little girl clothes and hairbows...
4. I will conjure up almost any reason I can think of to procrastinate studying. I will: try out different colors of paint in my bedroom, organize sock drawers, scrub grout lines with a toothbrush, be unusually taken with construction paper and glitter glue for long periods of time, read a stack of 15 books to my kids at bedtime, postpone bedtime for upwards of 30 minutes just because (yeah, I know - craaazy).

Literally anything that can keep my mind off this albatross is whatever I'll focus on. This ridiculousness needs to be over.

Peace. The peace only God gives. That's what I need. And a passing score. And a job. And...

Peace.

Julio's for Alycia

Sure. I'd be glad to send some to you!
I'll get your email from shan.
I'll try to get them in the mail tomorrow.
How many bags?
Big bags or small bags?
Do you want the sauce too?
And would that be mild or hot?

Name calling.

So it appears that little A. has begun the name-calling portion of her childhood.
Normally, I would be one to 'nip it in the bud'-
But it was way too funny to stop her, I HAD to hear what she would think of next.

Her daddy was taking a mid-morning snooze and she wanted him to wake up.
She nudged him and said, "Wake up, you black jelly bean."
(no response)
"Wake up, pickleface!"
(still no response)
"Daddy, you're a maniac!"

How funny is that?!?!?!

heheheh...

Side-splitting or toe-splitting?

Chris described it as "Scooby Doo falling down a flight of stairs."

I described it as intensely hilarious and painful at the same time.
I got all excited tonight after the kids went to bed. I was gonna watch tv while I folded laundry!!
I know, it sounds riveting. But I was looking forward to a relaxing evening, which we have not had in a while.

I turned the corner headed toward my laundry room in my new Valentine's socks. They are evidently mighty slippery.
At this point, it gets hazy but something must have gone awry.

I was flying. Toppling, really.
I think my wrist hit first. It would be hard to tell really. It all happened so quickly.
It was kinda like wrist, knee, toes jammed into corner, other knee, side into corner, and lastly my head. But it sounded more like: Whoa-Oooo-Eeee-owww-uuuugh.
That was followed by silence.
I heard Chris scurrying over to rescue me.
I started reliving the moment in my mind and imagining what THAT must've looked like.
I laughed and laughed.
Then pain surged through my body.
I rolled over onto my back in the fetal position and just clutched onto my sanity.
OH! I hurt everywhere!

Why was I in such a hurry to fold laundry? OOHHHHhhhhh!

Chris asked if I was laughing or crying. I think it was a two-fer.
He checked my head, side, wrist, knees, and finally my toes.
My foot was already swollen-ish.
I swear its just my chubby feet, but he's pretty sure I might've broken it.
Boy doggie it hurts!
My toe is for certain a teensy bit misshapen and I can't stand the feeling of even a sock touching it.
Odds are it is at least jammed. If not broken...
No insurance. Did I need to remind you of that?

But in the end, I had load after load of laundry brought to me valet style tonight. It can't be all bad, right?
Not to mention, I have a really cute nurse...

Best short-long weekend ever.

• MIL visit was too, too wonderful for words. They left this afternoon. Never, ever in my wildest imagination would I have ever predicted a 3-day/2-night stay. It's usually a very short afternoon visit biannually. But it was truly enjoyable and awesome!
• Squishy baby love took it over the top. My niece is so extremely, words-can't-describe beautiful.
• The kids are in bed. WOO-HOO!!! (Was that out loud?)
• My new bedding arrived today and it is awesome-er than the internet promised it would be!!
• I started painting my bedroom today. Yes, Meems, poopy brown smear is gone!
• Tomorrow starts a new week of work. (wah-wah...)
• I have enough 'go' left in me to paint one more wall in my room tonight.
• Cowboys:OUT /Packers:OUT Sunday afternoons are wide open again.
• Crys - thanks for tonight. It was really thoughtful! I love being 'neighbors' with you!
• I am about to drop off the face of the earth for a week or so. ExCet is going to be my new name. Where's ExCet? Oh, she's... you know... studying....