Only a year ago

I just got to thinking - it's been a whole year since the Chaos began.
Things are pretty calm now.
Finally.

How long does a year feel like to God? Does He do that little internal giggle that we parents do when our kids 'wig out' over waiting 5 minutes for something like it's going to take forever?

What was an excruciating wait for us was already published in His story.
I wish I could gain a little of His perspective.

In the mean time, my huge, ridiculously huge, children are asleep in their beds and my husband is at home with me.

Life is good.
What long-awaited peace!

Finish what you start.

After 15 long fought months, Chris has graduated and passed the national registry. He looked at me with *near tears* in his eyes when he found out he had finished everything and said, "I finally finished something."

Wow.
It never occurred to me that he felt like he hadn't...
But it makes sense, I suppose.

Looking back, he took a job as a restaurant manager 'for a short time' to help him pay for the rest of college. It was never the plan for restaurant management to become his career.
He wanted to do something physical, science or biology-related, and/or in the medical world. NOT Restaurant...

7 years and a wife and two kids later...
There my husband sat in the midst of a seemingly never-ending tunnel career which he would never have chosen for himself.
Sadly, he was never able to finish college.
To compound issues, we weren't even really 'making it' financially with a job that took so much of him from us. He was miserable.

My creature-of-habit, never-take-a-chance husband did take a chance in 2008 and applied for the Fire Department posting.

He missed the deadline, and it took the wind out of his sails... almost.
He reapplied 6 months later and began training for the physical agility drills.

For the next 9 months, he went on an up-and-down rollercoaster of disappointment, excitement, nerves, polygraphs, piles of paperwork, personal investigation, and jumping through hoops - all while maintaining his 60 hour work weeks.

At long last, he made the cut and on October 1, 2009 he began the academy.

What he didn't know after 18 months of having an endgoal of 'getting in' to the Department was that the real trials still lay ahead of him.

For the following 15 months, Chris went to school full time and trained and studied nightly. He transformed himself into a man committed to achieving his goal with unshakable dedication. He maintained a concentration and focus on his goal unlike anything I have ever seen.

At last, here we sit, almost 3 years wiser and blessed to be finished.

A new career has begun, but it really feels like that dream that began in my husband's heart, has made him a better man.

He's a man who is proud of his own accomplishment.
He's finished what he started. As an added bonus, the school hours that were a part of the Fire and Paramedic Academy will combine with his previous college hours to give him a completed degree! This is something we were not aware of until a couple of weeks ago. God is so good to go before us and prepare the way.

I have learned a lot from him, my husband. He's a good man. His tenacity to finish inspires me.

We are finishers. We stay the course God has put us on. Come what may, with God's help, we will finish.

Resolution 2011

Imagine who I want my kids to become.

Be that person.

Updation and a prayer request

By December 15, this will be the blog of a woman who has undergone (and lived through) two admin walk-throughs and the wife of a graduating fireman.
Between now and then, prayers are appreciated.

Chris has some muy importante finals this week and next - the kind of finals that permit or deny future paychecks depending on performance. I have a great big ball of nerves for a husband.

I know we serve a great big God. Please pray.

The kids are six and seven now. Six and seven and a half.

I wish I had the kind of time and commitment that many of my long lost mommy friends have with regard to kid photos and details. I don't and haven't had for quite some time now.

If you have known me for any length of time, you would concur that the condition of my house is like nothing you've ever seen. I think there's an empty milk carton on the kitchen counter that has been there for DAYS. Just sitting there...

Instead of picking it up and throwing it away, it sits as I type and that is pretty much how I roll these days...

It's a condition I call necessity. :)

So if you happen to be reading this blog, please consider yourself hugged. I miss you dearly. And if it helps (to forgive the level of neglect that has been dealt you as my friend) pretend I live in Siberia... It almost sounds right... :)

need to put it all down

A started Kindergarten this week.
I have pictures. (Load them later)
She absolutely loves it!

She has lost a tooth and will lose the 2nd within minutes of me writing this post.
Her joy about life is so contagious!

She gets into the car each day after school and says, "What am I gonna wear tomorrow?"
I know. It's wrong for me to think that's funny. It probably is too materialistic, but seriously, if you could hear her say it, it's like she believes she is the authority on all things fashion. Too cute!

I feel so blessed to be near my children each day again!
It's good stuff. God has blessed us good!

Last day.

"I am a glass case of emotion!"

Today was it.
True to form, I had to work late, last day and all.
For the first time in 18 months, I took a lunch break each day this week.
This would be a history making moment for me!

I spent the evening with my kids in my new classroom.
I need some serious support!
I know there are certain things every classroom has to have - graphic organizers, etc... but I am hopelessly lost and without a clue.
HELP ME!

So if there's anyone who need to rack up some community service hours, man have I got a deal for you. :)

really?

my daughter has been crying hysterically for so long that even she has forgotten what she's crying about.

of course, i remember - but i'm not about to remind her. that would just make it worse.

and if you're wondering what terrible thing must have happened to make her so sour...

i got home late from work and told her she would have to wait one more day to see ramona and beezus because the next showing is at 9:30pm.

really. hysterical crying. nonstop.

i should make her wait longer.

brat.

Beans, beans.

Had some V8-like substance in a clear glass for dinner tonight. Part of a large scale effort to get healthy.
Avery walked past me, did a double take and asked me, "Mommy, why are you drinking beans from a cup?"

She tickles me! :)

Thanks Jenny for the wordle advice!

Wonka

"We are the Music Makers...
We are the Dreamers of Dreams."
-O'Shaughnessy

I am about to make the best bulletin board of all time for a Music Classroom.
I get my keys Tuesday.
The magic shall commence sometime thereafter.

So excited!
teehee!!!
:)

Today

Today my niece was born. 8 pounds, 10 ounces of pure sweetness!

I held her and she smiled. Sorta...

I already know I love her.

Her name is Katherine Grace, but I have already decided that J's nickname for her will stick - Kater Tot.

She's perfect in every way.

Yay for nieces!

Something I don't want to forget.

My precious girl just gave me a gift wrapped in a silver package.
She has been saving it for weeks to give to me at Christmastime.
She has eagerly spoken about her sweet gift and how much I am 'gonna love it.'

She burst into the living room just moments ago and said she couldn't possibly wait til Christmas to give it to me. When she brought it to me she said, "It's my best thing and I want you to have it!"

My heart shuddered at her honest goodness and exuberant generosity.

She wants me to have her best thing. I already know I love it, though I've yet to open it.

Tears.

She is the picture of what I want to be. I want to offer Him today the things I have been saving in silver packages for just the right moment.

Realizing that right now is the best moment for a gift given with pureness of heart.

It's really not important what the gift is.
My daughter's gift: a tiny bear figurine with chipped ears that has been on prominent display in her room for years. I gave it to her and now she's ready to give it back to me.
It never occurred to her to question whether I would value this gift the same way she has cherished it.
She knew it would be special to me, and she gave it with confidence that I would love it as she has.

God whispers to me, "Won't you give me your gift today? Wrapped in a silver package, chipped ears and all. Please don't question whether I have a use for it. I already love it. It's from you!"

A sweet reminder of Him and His love for His little girl.

Newness

Everything is currently in quite the state of blur in our household.
Transition lives with us right now.
In all things, I trust and wholeheartedly believe that God has been leading us.
We are, at last, beginning to see the purpose for all this turbulence!
It's encouraging to see it unfold...

What is only becoming clear to us now, He has known always.

Our children happy and our family whole. Our marriage is as strong as it ever has been.The trials in the past 2 years have bound us in ways I honestly didn't think possible. God is good.

I won't be doing grad school anytime soon. It's too much for now, but someday...

Chris will finish up with training, hopefully by Christmas, and begin working 4 24-hr. shifts in 12 day cycles. Graduation will be followed by a raise! (Happy billpayer here!)

I will get the keys to my classroom soon! (Still walking in a dream...)

I have begun training my replacement at the church and have peace that the children's ministry will be in very good hands. (*smiles* I worried a bunch about leaving the church in a lurch.)

Jaron is ever the wiggly boy and too too smart! He thinks of things that have never occured to me to think about. Ever inquisitive, always learning.

Avery is still gooey sweet and has her first loose tooth. Several, actually! Also, she will soon start Kindergarten - my sweet baby is so big now!

As bananas as life is right now, there is also a great deal of peace. Peace that has been absent for a long time. I am so glad that this chapter seems to be coming to a close, and that there appear to be sunny days ahead!

In the midst of blur, I can still see the sweetness and completeness of the life we've shared through these turbulent times. I look forward to calm, stable, and predictable but it's easy to find ways to savor the moments that lie between here and there.

Wee little lass

When will I meet my darling dear niece?

Come on... We've thrown you a shower, now it's time for you to GET HERE!

Your Auntie Ang needs you!

Get ready, baby Kate, it's gonna be tons of fun!

Yeah even when you love it

Just so you know, I believe in a most theatrical and (hopefully unoffensive) real way that I am living in job purgatory.

Even when you love (parts of) your job and have bittersweet feelings about leaving, the time between when you put in your notice and you actually LEAVE feels like forty forevers.

Holey moley!

Scrub boards and laundry lines

For the past year and a half or so, my dryer has been, let's say, underperforming.
It would overheat after 5-10 minutes of drying and I would have to restart it multiple times to dry a load. Like all day to dry ONE load.

Bothersome, but non-essential.
It did, however, make it so that I was NEVER on top of my laundry.

But last week, to my horror, my washing machine gave out. Gonzo.

I began thinking about scrub boards and laundry lines. It was doable, but difficult, and maybe a bit too agonizing for how hard my work life will be this summer...

I decided this was a last straw scenario.

So I...

• Went shopping.
• Got discouraged.
• Began thinking about money and the impending gap betwen paychecks during the job change.
• I did something stupid and financed a matching set of Maytags.
• I began having buyer's remorse.

Then, the next day, something wonderful happened.

In the mailbox, I found a statement talking about some stocks we had cashed in when Chris switched careers last fall.

But why am I still getting a statement in May when we received 'payment in full' in October?

So I made a phone call. The statement I was holding in my hands was some OTHER stocks we didn't know we had. And they had grown by more than double since the time Chris left Red Lobster in September.

Today, I got a check in the mail.
Come Monday morning, my brand new, do-not-take-all-day-to-complete-one-load, matching washer and dryer set will be paid off.

It's in the little things that God daily shows up in our lives. When He shows off fancy, taking care of His little girl, in a big, big way, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by His interest in my life.

To what do I owe this enormous love You show? I am overjoyed by Your faithfulness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4l3CEMWCxSk&feature=related

A snail of a tale.

When I was a little girl, I looked forward to the few hours after a big rainfall. I would go outside, a hunter, and collect earth worms, snails, and every other non-perilous critter that would cross my path.

This evening, after dinner, Avery, Jaron, and I went outside. We were all business, we three "Snail Hunters," using our whisper voices, prowling tactics, and everything.

We collected scads of them. Then we would gently touch (er, poke) their long spindly eyes and giggle as they slunk back into their shells. Poor snails.

We made snail art.

We had a family snail race.

Each of the 4 snails got a permanent marker tattoo of each family member's first initial.

D= Daddy Snail, M=Mommy Snail, J=Jaron Snail, and A=Avery Snail.

As you can see, it was slow going at first. But Avery snail took an early lead.

Notice that Mommy snail is flat on her back, with no intention of even poking her eyes out of her shell...

In the end, it was Avery snail. Followed by a distant Daddy snail in second place.

Mommy snail is still refusing to play. I guess Jaron snail had a great video game to play...

Good times! Yay Avery Snail!

(No Snails were hurt in the filming of this post.)

seven

(Jaron's last 6 year old shot @ bedtime last night.)

It's amazing - how one little person can completely change your world.

Even though I know, with a deep inside kind of knowing, that God feels this way about us - still I find it difficult to accept His unbelievable and unchanging love as a Father.

But it becomes infinitely easier to comprehend because of how I love my son. Today he turns seven years old.

(The sweet little angel)

(The truth...)

Seven years I could repeat a thousand times in my mind with love increasing each moment and with each memory.

Our lives are super-charged with energy and love, all because of these seven years with you, Jaron. You are an absolute page-turner of a person!

I can't wait for eight!

Yes, thank heaven for little boys.

Extra Extra Read all about it!

I have been given the go ahead from all the people who have a say in these things, so here goes...

You are reading the blog of a newly selected elementary music teacher.

She will be teaching at her children's school.

This. is. a. dream. come. true.

You would not believe how long I had to sit on this information...

God - Thanks for blessing us big time! It always amazes me how much you care about the things that matter to us. Such awesomeness you are!

I've been cheating myself

In 30 years of living, I never cultivated the habit of reading.
I certainly have never really read by choice. I always did my studying. And I have read the Bible from cover to cover because that's what good Christian girls do, but I have never chosen to read for the sheer and intensive therapy that I see it becoming in my life.
In the past two months, I have made some pretty big commitments to myself, one of them being reading regularly and intentionally.
At first, I read because I convinced myself that I needed to pick up a hobby and reading is just about the most practical leisure-time activity a person can have. But now,

I love reading! I have been devouring papyrus!
It's weird - because you don't spend 30 years avoiding something like the plague and one day up and decide to make a lifestyle change. But I have. And I have done it so consistently that I feel comfortable blogging about it, so that's something...

The book I have been reading is amazing and eye-opening, thought-provoking and popping with unreal life and energy. It's called the Bible. Ha!

(I have also been reading supplemental books that are terrific in their own right.)

But seriously, if you have never made the commitment to yourself to really delve into God's Word and become studious about it, you should.

It will change your life!